forgiveness...

so this past sunday, i had one of those moments where i remember why i love my job so much and i why i am so blessed to have it. i hope that my words here accurately convey my joy!

so there are two little guys that come to my area each sunday. they have been known for having trouble obeying and pushing all the limits and causing quite a ruckus. we have been working hard to try and help them. we have talked to their dad multiple times and we are now even trying some positive reinforcement for them. but this sunday, the older one, he is in the third grade, was out to push all boundaries no matter what!! (for his sake i will not use his real name, but instead will call him peter) within 20 minutes of being there, peter had disobeyed his leader multiple times and even hit his brother because he thought it was funny. so during our kids worship time, i decided he would be my buddy and i would sit with him to help. i stood right next to him and danced and sang with him. it did not take him long to start trying to push the boundaries again. he wanted to mess with others while they were worshiping. he wanted to lay on the ground and roll around rather than sing. after asking him many times and even helping him stand up, peter still refused and even threw a couple punches at me (luckily he only weighs like 40 pounds). so i told him to come outside with me since he could not obey. he refused and tried to create a scene, so i just picked him up and carried him out into the hall to sit with me and the police officer.

after we got in the hall, he was so mad and just wanted to go back in. i told him we had to sit in time out for a bit and he only got angrier and angrier. he even said a few inappropriate things to me and continued to try and hit me. i was having to hold him at one point to keep him from running off, at which point he started to lick me. (never had a kid do that before, but i was just thankful that he was not biting me) i finally paged his dad out of service and he came and sat with peter and i. he told peter that he needed to apologize, but peter refused. he even said, "i don't feel sorry so i'm not going to say sorry." we had this conversation multiple times, but he refused and would not budge.

so we sat on the bench for awhile and then the lord brought something to mind. i looked at peter and i asked him if he knew about forgiveness. he looked at me, still very angry. i proceeded to tell him that forgiveness has two parts. one where the person who did wrong apologizes or repents and is sorry for what they did. the second part is that the other person forgets and gives them a new start. i told him that no matter what happened that day, when he came to kidstuff next week, i was going to give him a fresh start. i was not going to talk about this week, i was not going to hold it over his head, and in fact i would act as if it never happened.

he looked at me and told me he was getting calmer, but still did not want to apologize. we sat there in silence for a few minutes and then the lord brought this to my mind. so i looked at peter again and said, "peter, you know who else forgives us?" no answer. and i said, "jesus. he forgives us completely and gives us a fresh start. he doesn't hold our mess ups over our head. no matter how much we mess up, he keeps forgiving us. that is how much he loves us."

at this point, the other kids are coming out of worship and going back up to their classroom. peter asks me if we can go outside and talk since it is now so loud and everyone is walking by. so we went outside, he sat next to me and said this, "i'm sorry for disobeying you. i am sorry for hitting you and i am sorry for licking you." then i gave him a hug and a high five and let him rejoin his class. he skipped back to catch up with his leader who welcomed him right back in the group.

as his dad and i were walking back inside, he said to me, "i know you guys probably dread seeing me and my boys come each week. i am so sorry that they cause so many problems." i then cut him off and told him that i don't feel that way and that if i ever did, that would be sin on my part because the whole point of my job is to love on kids and point them to jesus and if i am not doing that because it is inconvenient, then i am failing. if me and my volunteers are not loving on these kids, supporting their families and fighting for them, then why are we here. i told him with tears in my eyes, that it is my privilege to get to talk to kids about jesus, even when it is tough. i told him that i pray for his boys and that my leaders do too. and i that i was sorry that i could not give him practical advice, but that i could assure him that we were fighting for them. at this, he also began to tear up. it was a sweet sweet moment.

the lord used this to also show me that we act like peter all the time. we push the limits, think our sin is no big deal, we fight back, we even may get mad at him and kick, scream, or even "lick." then we are embarrassed when our sin gets exposed or called out and we want to just escape rather than deal with it. but then jesus' love arrests us and attacks us and we still resist because to give in would be humiliating. but he is patient and persistent and his love is so enticing and we know it is so satisfying. so we finally give in and repent and then we feel free!! we are free to skip! we are loved as we are and our debt has been paid! how quick we are to forget what jesus has done for us. what price he paid for us.

one more cool thing. remember how i said that the cop was sitting out there with us. well after it was all said and done, i was walking past him and he stopped me. he wanted to know how i could be so patient and love on a kid like that. i jokingly said that i have to pray for patience. as i walked off and was laughing about how crazy kids are, i then turned back to him to say, "and that is because that is how i am loved. and when i remember that, it makes it a little easier to love others like that." i hope that he got a glimpse of the gospel that day. who knows. all i know, is that night, while i was at worship and we were singing about how good god is, i wept. and wept and wept and wept. so thankful for his faithfulness! so thankful that i get to be a vessel to point kids to christ and make disciples of this next generation. that, my friends, is why i have the best job ever! thanks for reading through this forever long post!

obedience...

we have been studying about obedience with the kids this month. it actually has been pretty convicting for me. i may post some of my other observations on here too if i have time. but this week we are teaching the kids about genesis 3 and the fall. The first act of disobedience. Here is the email i sent my volunteers. it is what the lord taught me as i studied this familiar passage this week.

Bible Story: Adam and Eve disobey; Genesis 3:1-24

Bottom Line: It's right to listen to God because He is GOD.

There is a lot to glean from this familiar passage, but because you all do not want to read a book, I am only going to dwell on one that applies to this week’s lesson. The enemy told Adam and Eve the ultimate lie that we all still buy into, “You don’t have enough.” He made Eve discontent with all the trees that she was permitted to eat from and she was only focusing her desire on this one tree. And many times we can take a felt desire and some how make it into such a big deal, we then believe that we must have it! Oh how we can justify sin! This lie worked for her, because somewhere she quit trusting that God was enough and that He knew enough. There are many times that God tells us to do something and we can clearly see why. There are other times He tells us to do something and we cannot see why and we may never know why, but we are called to obey regardless. That is our bottom line, “Listen to God because he is God.” Each month we study a virtue that teaches us about the nature of God, every one of those virtues could be used to build a case as to why we can trust God. He is good and we can list off a million reasons why, yet our sinful nature still wants to be in charge. We like the control so we think we know best. Or we still think that we do not have enough, so we deserve something else (like more knowledge). Did Adam and Eve gain what was promised by the serpent? They sure did, only they didn’t need it. Their lives were much better before. So much for thinking that control and getting more of what you want leads to a better life. What a convicting lesson!

Take time and pray and confess. What areas of your life are you seeking to be in control or what areas are you seemingly in control of? (hint hint: they usually are the areas of your life that produce the most anxiety and entitlement in your life) Take time to confess that to the Lord. Confess that you are prideful and trust yourself and creation to provide what you need, rather than the Creator. Confess that you are trying to control situations to get your desired outcome your selfish desires. Pray and confess your dependence on the Lord. Cry out to Him that you need him to function, even though you consistently try and do it alone.

Pray for your kids. Pray that they too will see where they try and be in control or where they think they need more and do not have enough, even though the Creator of the universe is faithful and provides all we need! What if they learn at this young age to quit buying into that lie and to trust that the Lord is enough????

love this little guy...

gtb's thank you "card" for his birthday present!

Make a Smilebox greeting

gospel relationships...

i have been doing a study on the book of galatians by tim keller this spring. it is incredible and i highly recommend it to everyone! here are some excerpts from his chapter on gospel relationships (galatians 5:26-6:5):

"the gospel creates a whole new self-image which is not based on comparisons with others. only the gospel makes us neither self-confident or self-disdaining, but both bold and humble. because of the gospel, we neither earn our worth through approval from people not through power over people, so we are neither overdependent on others, nor afraid of commitment and vulnerability. that works itself out in relationships with everyone."

"moralism often makes relationships into a blame game. why? the moralist is very consciously try to earn salvation through performance, and that includes relationships. moralists must maintain a self-image of being a 'good person.' now some moralists do so by laying the blame on others, by being very judgmental and by always insisting that they are right. there is a lack of teachability, humble admission or error or listening. but moralists can also play the blame-game by laying the blame on themselves. moralists can 'earn their salvation' and convince ourselves we are worthy persons through being very willing to help others. this kind of self-salvation superficially makes the moralist look very open to listen, very humble, very teachable. but this can be co-dependency, a form of self salvation through severely needing people's approval or through needing people to need you (i.e. saving yourself by saving others). so moralism works through either blaming others or blaming yourself. either way it makes relationships tortuous.

on the other hand, hedonism reduces relationships to a negotiated partnership for mutual benefit. hedonism says: 'a relationship is fine as long as both people are helping each other reach their goals.' but as soon as a relationship entails major sacrifice, the hedonist labels it dysfunctional and bails out. (there are dysfunctional relationships but only when the sacrifice is being done out of needy selfishness and not out of fullness of love.) so, for the hedonist, you only relate to another as long as it is not costing you anything. so the choice (without the gospel) is to selfishly use others or to selfishly let yourself be used by others. but the gospel leads us to do neither. we do sacrifice and commit, but not out of a need to convince ourselves or others we are acceptable. so we can love the other person enough to confront, yet stay with the person when it does not benefit us."

i am a moralist through and through. i have played both sides of the moralist, my latest struggle being the latter. this study of galatians has opened my eyes to the gospel and what it means for my life after i am saved. it has brought me to tears many times. i constantly need to be reminded of it. this moralist needs to be reminded that she is fully loved and accepted by god, no matter what. my failure in relationships and friendships is just another picture of my broken life that i have tried to control. i think i am finally beginning to understand the gospel and my life is changing. just ask those around me.

children desiring god conference...

last week john and erin and i went to children desiring god in minneapolis, minnesota. here are some quotes from the conference, we learned much more than this, but here are the highlights. we all live blogged on a twitter. you can follow me on twitter twitter.com/beccalarae. i also included a little surprise for you at the end. our rental car was pretty sweet!!

john piper: the cross was simultaneously self-sacrificing and self-exhalting. the cross is god-centered not man-centered. 2 cor 5:15

piper: most people have trouble with a god-centered god because they grew up with a self-esteem based children's ministry.

david paul tripp: what kind of messiah do you want? one that gives you what you want or one that saves and redeems you?

tripp: there will be tough moments in life when you cry out for god's grace & you are already getting it. its the grace of refinement.

tripp: we've got to teach our kids they don't write their life story. their's is part of the great redemption story & they'll never hold the pen.

the amount of time you spend praying is a good indicator of how much you see your need for the lord.

a new idea that came out of the conference: a kidstuff series on the authority of the word. if they don't believe in its authority why study it, know it, or obey it.

don't be jealous of our grand marquis! we rode with class and we could have parked in the handicap spot without anyone thinking twice about it.

jon comes to dallas...

that is right! my brother is officially back in the states and he came to dallas a few weekends ago to visit and be united with his love, fiona. she has only been waiting to see him since november. here are some pictures.

jon and fiona. united at last!

fiona. isn't she pretty?

mom and jon while bowling.
me and pops.our cousin mike and his wife kelly down from kansas city too!we spent a lot of time in friendly competition over mario kart.
then we moved on to rock band. here is our lead guitarist.
and the drummer and vocalist.
a pic of the whole band.the cousins.

it was great to see jon! thanks to all of you who have been faithfully praying for him while he was in Iraq.

more surrender...

the lord has been wreaking havoc on many areas of sin in my life. one of the many things he has been teaching me about is that i CANNOT fix the junk in my life. i cannot get it together. i can't pretend that everything is okay. i can't even find my boot straps much less pull myself up by them. this week he showed me how my fix everything tendencies are even in my prayers.

i have been rereading cs lewis' the screwtape letters. If you do not know the premise of the book, it is a series of fictional letters from uncle screwtape (a master tempter) to his nephew and young tempter, wormwood. in chapter IV, the topic is prayer and this quote stuck out to me.

"whenever they are attending to the enemy himself [remember references to the enemy are references to god] we are defeated, but there are ways of preventing them from doing so. the simplest is to turn their gaze away from him towards themselves. keep them watching their own minds and trying to produce feelings there by the action of their own wills. ...when they meant to pray for courage, let them really be trying to feel brave. when they say they are praying for forgiveness, let them be trying to feel forgiven. teach them to estimate the value of each prayer by their success in producing the desired feeling."

i do this all the time. i feel anxious or worried about something and so i go to the lord in prayer (phil 4:6-7), but what happens is not what god intends. i bow before him and i know that i am not supposed to be feeling anxious and i say that i don't want to and i want to trust him. so i lay it out there and i almost surrender it. what happens next is that i then think that since i know that i should feel peace and rather than trusting the Lord for peace, i just start trying to feel it. i may even be able to generate a little bit of it, but it doesn't last and then i feel defeated. why does this happen? well because in essence i came to jesus with my problem, held it out and but rather than relying on him to fix it or take it, i knew what it should look like so i began to try and make that a reality on my own. i focus on myself and how i was feeling rather than the one who could change my life in an instant if he wanted. and my attempts fail each time, so i just continue to living in anxiety or fear or whatever i was seeking relief from. this just continues to show me that i do not trust the Lord. i am still trying to fix my life and live right on my own. good news is that he loves me enough to not let that happen. he is teaching me to surrender and lean in to him. and throw my hands up in surrender. i can't do it, even when i mask it in churchy stuff like prayer, i can't fix myself. but i can lean in to the one who can. thank you lord that you are sanctifying me!!