play the fixer or point to the rescuer...

anyone else hate seeing people hurting and struggling?  i hate it.  i just want to help.  to ease their pain, fix their problem, make them laugh, and get them out of their struggle.  sounds like the right thing to do.  and it can be, but not always.  now before you call me cruel and tell me i have no heart, let me explain.

"if you have a problem, yo i'll solve it."-vanilla ice

i am a fixer. i like to take care of my friends problems and help them.  the problem is, when i swoop in and take care of things, i often set myself up as the rescuer.  a role i was never meant to play. this week i was reading in 1 samuel 23, a verse stuck out to me that i think speaks a lot to how gospel centered friendships should look.  this chapter in samuel puts us in the middle of one of the most esteemed friendships of all time, jonathan and david. 

david is on the run from saul.  he is literally running for his life from this crazy king.  he is living in caves and as a vagabond.  saul is in hot pursuit of david again and then jonathan, his best friend comes out to him.  i can only imagine that david is tired, maybe wondering if this is all worth it or how much longer god is going to let saul do this or whatever.  but i am almost certain that he is weary!  now i have never had a friend who was running for their lives, but i have had friends who were definitely feeling weary and many of my friends have seen me weary (like all the time). i love the simplicity and power of what jonathan does:

"and jonathan, saul's son, rose and went to david at horesh, and strengthened his hand in god. and he said to him, “do not fear, for the hand of saul my father shall not find you. you shall be king over Israel, and i shall be next to you. saul my father also knows this.”  1 samuel 23:16-17

he strengthened and encouraged him by reminding him of god's promise and god's goodness.  he pointed him to his rescuer and the one in control. he did not falsely try to build david up or bash his father's crazy leadership. and he did this with love! it was not done coldly and tritely without empathy like most of us religious people do so often. he gave him what he needed most.  i love that the word the scripture uses here is that jonathan strengthened david's hand in god!  he helped him endure what the lord has planned. he didn't try and relieve it from him, but wanted him to trust in the one who could.

i think often in helping people, we forget this key element.  we get so caught up in wanting them to feel better, that we forget this.  and we end up either becoming their fixer, pointing them to something else to help them, or just soothing their surface symptoms.  this has been a challenge for me. when i am helping people, am i really helping them and strengthening them in god, or am i just putting myself in the place as the fixer.
the fixer is dangerous, because it feels so good and you feel so right about it, even so christian about but in the long run it only makes things worse. i have to trust that in pointing them to the rescuer is the best thing and that he will rescue them, he does not need me.  the fixer is usually a much faster result, but like a drug they will be back for their next fix.  the rescuer will heal their lives forever, and some times it feels like it takes that long and you have to be that patient, but they will be whole! he has purpose for everything, even when things hurt or are hard.

this or course does not mean not meeting physical needs or never helping, after all that is biblical! and it certainly does not mean coldly telling someone to pray and read your bible (this is one of the things that makes me angry quickly! trite christian advice!!) but when you are encouraging your friends and helping those around you, ask yourself, "who are my actions and words pointing them to?"

just ask me...

the other day in my time with the lord, i read in 1 samuel 1-2 about hannah praying for samuel.  as i read the story this time, hannah's weeping really stuck out to me.  she was grieving that fact that she did not have a child so much so that she when she was crying, the priest eli, thought she was drunk!  i mean that is some seriously weeping and praying.  as i read this, my proud, self-righteous heart, thought exactly this, "what a weak woman.  just trust that god is going to provide and know that if he does not, it is for the best. just get over it." then it kind of made me irritated that she got what she asked for. 

then the lord piped in. i felt him ask me, "why does this bother so much?"  
me: "because, she needs to just trust you and not throw her life away crying."
god: "yes, she does need to trust me. but maybe i put that desire on her heart to ask. maybe i had a plan to receive glory."
me: "okay. ya i guess you are right."
god: "i don't think that is the real issue here."
me: "huh, what?"
god: "why don't you ask me for what you really want?"
me: "what?!?! [panic setting in] i do. i pray and ask for help and i pray that you would move and change people's lives, and... [interrupted]"
god: "that is not what i am talking about. why don't you ask me for those things you want?"
me: "what things? [knowing exactly what he was talking about]"
god: "you know."
me: "oh, those things.  well you see, uh, i mean they are not a big deal. there are more important things to be praying for. and i do not want those to be a distraction."
god: "quit being a martyr and trying to be holy and just ask me. besides, remember i delight in giving good things to my children and what if i have laid those desires on your heart so that you will know me as your provider. just like hannah got to know me as" [read 1 samuel 2]
me: "okay. i will try."
god: "okay go ahead, write them down in your journal."
me: "what?!?! no, then i will have a record of them and what if they are foolish?"
god: "so what? i already know. quit trying to make even your journal look well put together and just ask me already."

so after about ten minutes of staring at my journal with my pen in my hand, i began to just ask him. ask him for things big and small. pleading with him for things i wanted, knowing that he may or may not give them to me, but he is good regardless.  realizing that i am hindering my ability to know him as provider and giver of good things if i do not ask. 

i am going to be honest, i felt silly at times and still do asking, but i also felt a new childlike freedom i had not felt before.  it was sweet.

And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?  If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”  Luke 11:9-13

really all of  luke 11 has been good for me to meditate on.  so has luke 18:1-8, the story of the persistent widow.  so why don't i ask him?  

• i am too prideful to ask for help, for gifts, etc.  asking is weak in my mind, so i am not going to ask and i am just going to accept my lot.  well this is just foolish.  i really stink at being dependent. 
• i fear he will say no and i will look like a fool or i will have wasted time.  i worry too much about whether i am asking for the right thing of not.  this shows that i still fear disappointing the lord. a fear that only the gospel can heal. i don't believe that asking can actually teach me more about him and his character.  

so, i am beginning a season of asking for what i want.  we will see what happens, but i can tell you, i already feel closer to my heavenly father.

lack of trust = frustration [again] part 2...

this blog post is a prayer straight out of my journal.  after my encounter with the lord described in the previous blog, i re-read "reproofs" and "humiliation" from the valley of vision and this was my prayer. 

"lord,
forgive me for just so flippantly coming before you. for being almost apathetic in my time with you, just wanting to get it done. lord forgive me for taking for granted the fact that you came to be with us and that i can approach the throne of grace with confidence. lord thank you for your grace, though i take it for granted all the time. thank you for speaking to me and revealing yourself to me. thank you for your word that is alive and active! thank you for delivering me from my sin and myself. forgive me for caring more about my name than yours, for trying to do it all on my own, for doing everything in my power to not look weak - all for my name. forgetting that i should be boasting in my weaknesses. i don't really like to do that. but in my weakness, you are strong! hiding or covering up my weakness does not give you glory - nor does it help me in any way - but just gives me a false sense of security.  when i conceal my weakness - it gives me and everyone else an inaccurate perception of who i am. people don't see and your character and grace and love and mercy. the see some religious crap that will only discourage them or turn them away. also, others cannot love on me like i need to be loved on or point me to christ because i am deceiving them. lord break me of this. help me boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses!  lord i need you!"

just a further glimpse into my heart.

the lesser told part of the christmas story...

as i was preparing curriculum to teach to our kids, i just felt the lord leading me to write about things pre luke 2. to talk about things not often told in the christmas story, but the things that are essential to understanding it.  most kids could tell you the story about the baby in the manger, but many of them and many of us, lack an understanding as to why it is that big of deal. in fact, i think we know it should be a big deal, but do not feel as if it is.  that is part of the reason i think there is so much hype and busyness around christmas. the busyness can be an effort to make up for what we think we should be feeling.

so this week, we are teaching the kids a lesson that made me cry as i wrote it. (i totally used the jesus storybook bible pages 170-175 to write the lesson.)  i thought i would share it with you guys, in hopes that the lord uses it to help you start the christmas season with the right worship in mind, before we all get too wrapped up in the other fun stuff (like my big thankmas party in 2 weeks). so here is the gist of what we are teaching the kids this sunday. (it will a bit more polished by then, but you get the idea.)

Good morning boys and girls! Can anyone tell me what month it is? That is right, December!And what big holiday happens in December? Yes Christmas!!Well today we are going to talk about the Christmas story, but probably about a part that is usually not talked about that much at Christmas. Today our story is found in the Old Testament.And we have lots to cover, so lets get after it!

First, we are going to start with the story from the book of Ezra.Before we read this section, let’s talk about what is going on. The Israelites were the people of God. Remember how they followed Moses out of Egypt. Then they went into the promised land.Then they had some good kings and then they had some not so good kings and they quit following God. So God had other countries come in and attack them and they became slaves again and had to live in other countries and by others rules.Then we come to Ezra chapter 7, and we see that God is rescuing his people.He lets them go free and go back to where they were living.They are excited and Ezra and Nehemiah are helping them rebuild their cities (remember Nehemiah and the wall?). Well Ezra and Malachi begin reminding them about all of God’s law.

Now let’s take a quick look at God’s law and all he expects.

(show some slides or read some scripture with examples)

And that is only a small piece.God is a holy God and he had rules and laws that he expected them to obey. They could not. They tried and tried and they kept failing. Even their great king, David could not do it. As Ezra was reading the law to them, they were reminded that would always fail. And they wept. They could not do it.They would never succeed.

God used many men to tell his people that he would send someone to be their king that would not fail. Someone that would be able to do all God asked them to do. Someone that would rescue them. They had a feast to celebrate this good news, but not too long after this, many fell back into a sense of hopelessness. And you know what, not too long after this, God was silent. He did not speak through men for a very long time. All they had was this promise that God was going to send someone.

Many forgot. Many gave up. The hopelessness was too much to bear. BUT, then one night, there was born a tiny baby in a manger. A baby that was God with us. After being silent for so long, God sent his son in the form of a baby. And we know that baby would grow up and live a perfect life. He would be crucified on the cross to pay for all of our sins and all of the sins of those before us.And he would not stay dead, but he would rise again.

Don’t you see boys and girls, why Christmas is such a big deal. Without Jesus we, just like the Israelites are hopeless. We cannot keep all of God’s laws. We cannot be perfect. We mess up. Our hearts forget about God and run after other things. Before we know it we are in trouble, just like the Israelites. Trouble we cannot get out of. But that night, in a manger, the Hope of the world was born! The one, the only one who could free us was born! God was not silent anymore!! In fact he came closer to us than ever before!

We can learn many things from this story. God is holy and expects a lot from us. But he also loves us. He loves us enough that he sent his son to live the life that we could not.He showed compassion on us!This also reminds us that God has a plan. Even when he is silent and does not seem to be around, he has a plan.

This is why we can sing Joy to the World, because the good news of Christ should bring joy to the entire world. This is why we can talk about this Holy night, because this night the entire world found its hope.We sing come let us adore him because we love him so much! How great is our God?! Let’s pray.

Dear Lord, we are so thankful that you sent your son. Lord, we just like the Israelites always fail and we are hopeless! Thank you for sending Jesus in a manger. Thank you for saving us! Help us to remember your compassion and to celebrate you this season!Lord help us understand what this means. Amen!

(the follow scripture is what we referenced: ezra 7, malachi 1,3, nehemiah 8-10, romans 8:1-4)

i know that you can do all things...

then job answered the LORD and said:

"i know that you can do all things,

and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.

'who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?'  

therefore i have uttered what i did not understand,

things too wonderful for me, which i did not know.

'hear, and I will speak; i will question you, and you make it known to me.'

i had heard of you by the hearing of the ear,

but now my eye sees you; 

therefore i despise myself,

and repent dust and ashes." 

- job 42:2-6

how many times have i questioned god and his timing or his method or his goodness? i know that god is good and that he reigns. well at least i know that in my head, but my heart still says "why god? why this? what are you doing? this is unfair. i never wanted this. i mean if you are good, wouldn't you do this?" for me, this questioning often reflects an attitude of my heart that really thinks that i know better, or worse, an attitude that would rather have my desires filled now and in this way, that have god and his plan.

the reason my heart has those attitudes (and more) is because i am prideful and forget how little i know and understand.  i forget that his ways are higher than mine. that he is always working. that he is not a reactive god, but a god who has a plan. how many times like job have i questioned or complained about something that i do not understand. things job reminds us that are too wonderful for us  and things which we do not know.  job 38-42 is a wonderful rebuke and reminder for me of god's control, power, plan and faithfulness. i recommend reading it (and rereading it and rereading it) if you find yourself questioning god, doubting his goodness, wondering if he is out there, etc.

how limited is my knowledge, how limited is my thinking. lord i repent! i know that you can do all things that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.  help my unbelief and forgive my arrogance.

elect exiles...

so i have been spending a lot of time in 1 peter. it is a great book that talks a lot about suffering. i decided to study it with some girls because i realized that i do not suffer much and when i do suffer i do not suffer well.

tonight we talked about 1 peter 1:1-2. there is a lot crammed into this introduction, but what stuck out to me tonight was the phrase "elect exiles." when reading this before, i just breezed over this without thinking much about it but tonight it hit me.

i am elect. i am loved. god chose me before the beginning of time. i am not perfect, i do not have it together and never will this side of heaven, but i am fully loved and accepted. i am chosen to be a part of a heavenly kingdom. i may be rejected by everyone else, but i am chosen and embraced by god. he loved me so much that while i was still a sinner, heck, before i was even conceived, he died for me! (rom 5:8)

i am an exile. this world is not my home. i forget that all the time and i live as though it is. i do not and should not belong here. if i try to make it my home, it will always disappoint. as an exile things will not be comfortable, and i should not expect them to be. as an exile, i will not be loved and embraced by everyone. as an exile, my life will often be contrary to this culture because the kingdom i belong to has a different set of values. yet i forget, a lot! and i try to make the things of this world work for, i get frustrated at my circumstances, i fear rejection by people. but why would i expect anything different. i am living in exile.

so if you hear me complaining, moping about, looking depressed, fearing people, etc please remind me that i am an elect exile. i am fully loved and embraced by god so stop looking for that from someone else and this world is not my home, so stop expecting it to feel like it.

i am excited to learn more from this book! if you are looking for more info about 1 peter, mark driscoll has a great sermon series on it. check it out here. http://www.8witnesses.com/

sabbath [part three] ...so what does it mean to keep the sabbath?

So what does it mean to keep the Sabbath?
This is something that I did not know until even this past year, which is why I want to share it with you. For most of my life, I thought that the Sabbath meant going to church on Sunday, eating a big lunch, napping, watching football and then doing any last minute work for the week. In fact, I thought that was a pretty good definition, I was getting a lot of physical rest and I was getting some spiritual food as well. But this past year, the Lord has taught me that it is so much more.

It is not a day just to rest from work and activities, but a time to rest IN Him. In fact, how many Sabbath’s have I spent only thinking about God when I am at church? That is hardly resting in the Lord. Keeping the Sabbath holy does not mean being a Pharisee and locking yourself in a room with a Bible, not doing or even thinking about anything else. But I think we have to look at our time and our activities and really examine to see if there is a day set aside where we are truly resting in Him. A day set aside to spend with him!! The Sabbath is something the Lord created to remind us that we belong to Him and that we are sustained by Him alone. We need this! It is not just a good suggestion.

I think it looks different for each person and I do not think I have the perfect prescription, but I will use a few examples from my life in hopes to help you find some ways to rest in the Lord. First off, Sunday is not my Sabbath. There is no resting in the Lord on Sunday for me; working at a church has ruined that. So I set aside Fridays. I do not check my work email. I screen most of my calls. And I usually do not make any plans until late Friday afternoon and if I do they are just with a few select people.

So what do I do with my time? For starters, I sleep in. No alarm sleep is the best! Then, I get up and have breakfast. Once I am awake, I get out my Bible and journal and dive into time with the Lord. It usually ends up being for a couple of hours. And it is sweet. It takes me a while to clear my mind of all the things I need to do, people I need to call, and everything else my mind wonders about. I try to spend a good chunk of time reflecting on the Lord’s faithfulness that week and I thank and praise Him. Then I spend some time reading the word. I may read a Christian book as well, but time in the word essential. It is amazing how when I do not have anything planned or anything to get ready for, I can spend so much undistracted time with the Lord. I am not getting through my time with him to get to something else.

I usually go for a run or walk outside too. It is good for me to be out in creation when thinking on the Lord. It is also common for me to take a nap or crawl back in bed just because I can. I feel more rested when I am not distracted by the things of this world. I can be more aware of his presence and can converse with him throughout the entire day. I have really grown to LOVE this time with Him and can say that I long for it.

I am going to be honest; sometimes it is really hard to spend an extended time with the Lord. I think this is because we are so busy in life that it is hard to sit still that long. Also, we do not see our need for the Lord. We know in our head that we are sustained by his hand, but our hearts still think we can do it. Rather than grasping for this time with him, we often find ourselves dreading it, not knowing what to do. My encouragement is to fight this. Claim that you know that the nearness of God is our good and that better is one day in his courts than thousands elsewhere! Ask the Lord for help. Ask him to meet with you, to guide you and to lead you.

So, I write all this to say, please find a day that you can set aside to Sabbath, if you are not already. Spend some time repenting of your lack of Sabbath and for misusing it. Then pray about when you should Sabbath and fight for it! It may not be Sunday for you because you go to church, are in a gT class, volunteer somewhere, have tons of studying or work to do or have meetings. Maybe it is Saturday for you. The hard part is that to set aside a Sabbath, you are going to have cut something out (work, social stuff, trips, unnecessary serving, etc). I would encourage you to pray and ask the Lord to reveal to you what you need to do to protect your Sabbath. It will always be hard, but remember that the things of this world are always enticing but none of them satisfy.

sabbath [part two]... why is not taking a sabbath a sin?

Why is not taking a Sabbath sin?
Well, aside from the fact that it is a commandment, when we do not take a Sabbath we are being prideful. Let me explain. I know for me there are usually three reasons I do not Sabbath. One, I have too much to do and if I take a day of rest, it will not get done. Two, I do not think I need it. And three, I do not proactively plan for it and protect it, so I may have all intentions of resting, but I cannot. All three of these reveal sin in our heart on some part.

Let's start with the first reason. If we think we do not have time to Sabbath, we are guilty of being a part of more than we are supposed to and need to step down from some commitments or we think God needs us to get something done. Both are rooted in pride. Somewhere along the way we bought into the lie that I am needed for something to take place or happen. That if I don’t answer that call or email or have that meeting that it will not get done. We do not work for God, He does not need us to accomplish his work. By continuing to work, we are essentially saying, that we do not think God is control. That by commanding us to Sabbath, he does not know how much we have to get done.

Secondly, if we do not think we need it, we are essentially telling “God thanks for the offer, but I think I know what I need and rest with you is not it. These other things are more filling.” Often we do this without realizing it. We think something else is what we need. If had this one thing or could do this one thing, it would bring me so much joy and rest. But Paul puts it best in Romans 1.

21For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things. … they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen. Romans 1:21-25

Lastly, we often fully intend to have a Sabbath, but something else always interrupts. This used to happen to me all the time. It was so frustrating. In theory, I really wanted to Sabbath, but something always came up. Be it work or something fun. I could not make it happen. Then I had a wise woman tell me that I had to be proactive and protect my Sabbath. Say no to things. Do not check your email. Screen your calls. Don’t schedule anything for that day. Don’t make plans. Do whatever you have to do. It took my awhile to get where I could do this. What I found was happening was that I knew I should Sabbath, but in my heart, the two other reasons I mentioned previously were still in full force, just hidden a little better.

One more thing, I think if we were to take a step back and look at what we look like when do not Sabbath vs. what we look like when we Sabbath, we would be amazed. When we are well rested in the Lord (not just physically) our whole perspective and response to life is different. When we are not Sabbathing, we get tired, worn down, start to think we are entitled to feel better and then get irritated with anyone who steals our precious time. It is much harder to reflect Christ when we are not being sustained by him and spending time with him. Our burdens are much heavier when He is not carrying them.

Stay tuned for one more blog on what sabbathing looks like.

sabbath [part one] ... why do it?

So I want to write a few blogs about the Sabbath. I know for me, I did not know really what it meant to Sabbath, much less what it means to keep it holy. I just knew it was a commandment and that we went to church on Sunday. But the Sabbath is so much more than that, something I did not know until I came on staff here. And i wanted to take some time and share with guys what the Lord has been teaching me about the Sabbath. Also, if you have any input, points to add, or questions, I welcome them. I think we could all benefit from learning about this.

Why Sabbath?
The idea of a Sabbath day comes from the creation account. On the seventh day, God rested. He did not rest because He needed it. Remember he is all powerful and scripture says he never grows tired or weary. So why rest on the seventh day? Because he was creating rest for us. He knew that we would need it. We need to be reminded that we are sustained by Him and him alone!

This is not just a tool He suggests that we use, but it is a commandment. And not just any, one of the big ten!

“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the your God. On it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your male servant, or your female servant, or your livestock, or the sojourner who is within your gates. For in six days the made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day. Therefore the blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.” Exodus 20:8-11

I know for me, I fight more to keep the other nine commandments more than I do this one. It is easy for me to look down on a murderer, adultery, a thief, a liar, an idolater, but someone who breaks the Sabbath, well it just is not a big deal. God will understand right? I think his word makes it clear that that is dead wrong.

I plan on writing 2 more blogs about this. Be on the lookout for them...

if i can just make it until _____, i will be fine...

i have heard this statement a lot lately. i have said it myself so many times throughout my life and lately i seem to hearing it from several friends.

if i can just make it through this week...
i just want this month to be over...
i just gotta push through this day and then i will be fine...
i am ready for this season to end...

any of those sound familiar or feel familiar? ya, for me too! but the lord has really convicted me about this attitude of my heart. today is a day that he made! who am i to say that it is not good enough, or that i just want it to be over. rather than living in and for today, i live on the promise of tomorrow, or the next day, week, month, or season. but the reality is, i am not promised tomorrow. i have no guarantee of it!

okay so how do i not dredge through this tough time, how can i rejoice in this day that the Lord has made? psalm 118 gives us a good outline.
a. give thanks to the lord.
b. reflect on the fact that his steadfast/unchanging love endures forever.
c. trust in the lord, not in man or anything here.
d. repeat.

quit thinking about how tough this season is and think on the lord and what he has done! quit throwing a pity party and seek the lord and his strength! quit doubting the lord's providence and sovereignty, and trust his word!

we are not promised tomorrow, we only have today. so don't just get through, live it to the fullest, bringing glory to the one who created it!

song of the beautiful...

song of the beautiful
by christy nockels
The broken, weary and poor
Finding...You are the cure
The weak and dying, glorifying, You in it all...

It’s the song of the beautiful, Jesus Loves Me...
It’s the song of the beautiful, Jesus Saved Me...
The song of the redeemed, the echoes of those made free,
It’s the song of the beautiful, Jesus Loves Me...

The fallen back on their feet
The fatherless now complete...
The innocent suffering, rising from wounding, to find...You were there all along!

It’s the song of the beautiful, Jesus Loves Me...
It’s the song of the beautiful, Jesus Saved Me...
The song of the redeemed, the echoes of those made free -
It’s the song of the beautiful, Jesus Loves Me...

Oh how He loves me
Oh how He loves me
Oh how He love me...
The broken, the beautiful....

The prodigal running home...
The widow never alone...
The one who is waiting, rising and singing, “You...Jesus, You Are My All!

when i first heard this song, i thought, “yes, god is good to help those who are broken. those people out there who are broken, weary, poor, weak and dying…”but I did not include myself in with “those people.”i did not see myself as such. then one day as i was driving and listening to this song, the lord said to me, “becca, that is you! you are the broken, weary and poor.”

my pride was like, "no, I am not that bad." but the lord quickly brought to mind my struggles. over the next day or so i really wrestled with this. i was listening to the song again and i lost it! i wept.i was humiliated to have my true state revealed to me, but I wept because then that meant that this song applied to me. my guilt was lifted. i do not have to live with shame. the burden i was carrying was removed. jesus loves me! jesus saves me! i can be free!

i finally could see that jesus was my cure, that my weakness glorified him. not my hard work to cover my weakness. i have left the father and tried many other things. but now i have returned and been able to say that nothing else satisfies, that jesus truly is my all! now i continue to struggle daily, but i know that my god is there.

anyways, this is a great song! i recommend buying it. perhaps you will find yourself singing and dancing to it in freedom like i do.

keep yourselves from idols...

and we know that the son of god has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true; and we are in him who is true, in his son jesus christ. he is the true god and eternal life. little children, keep yourselves from idols.
1 john 5:20-21

i hung this verse in my bathroom to read over each morning and here is how the lord uses it to speak to me. first off, god has given me understanding so that i can know him. know him. god makes himself knowable to me. he reveals himself to me and that is something i take for granted. secondly, we are in him who is true. because of christ, we are able to know the true god and have eternal life. we are able to know the truth and what is true and good. i do not have to try and figure it out for myself. i do not have to live in darkness.

and i love that right after that great reminder, john exhorts his readers to keep themselves from idols. to keep themselves from things that are not true, that do not save, that do not bring eternal life. focus on the true god. be careful to not get caught up in idols. great reminder for me.

mountains goats...

so one of the passages i have been reading about the lord's power and majesty (in addition to psalms) is the end of the book of job. the part where the lord finally speaks up to job and reminds job of his might and power and puts job in his place. i love this because god often communicates to me in this way. in chapter 39 of job, the lords talk about mountain goats, donkeys, oxen, ostriches, horses and hawks. he asks job if he was there when the mountain goats gave birth. if he even knew when they were going to give birth? his point, i believe, is that these things go on all the time and they do not need the help of man (myself or anyone else) to happen. it goes on all the time without me knowing it or having to be in control of it. it happens all without me.

this opened my eyes to how much goes on all the time that is out of my control. i am a lot smaller than i think i am. the world does not run because i did things right or corrected things. the world runs because the creator runs it. this does not just include the earth as a whole, but also the world i encounter each day. the things i am entrusted to lead or do. god is in control of it all, i am just his vessel. i have no real control. my job is not to worry, my job is to know my creator and trust him.

so when i catch myself worrying, i feel like immediately the lord brings 2 words to mind, "mountain goats." and that is all i need to remember that i am not in control and do not need to be.

give thanks to the lord...

as i have written in an earlier post one of the things i have been learning is about is dwelling on the lord and his might, faithfulness, power, sovereignty, etc. as i have been doing this, i would say that my confidence and trust in the lord has grown immensely. i know all these things in my head, but my heart obviously does not believe them, otherwise i would not try to be in control so much or worry about my needs, because i would trust that he was enough.

it is good to give thanks to the lord,
to sing praises to your name, o most high;
to declare your steadfast love in the morning,
and your faithfulness by night.

psalm 92:1

so i have set a pattern for myself based on this scripture, this discipline is not saving me, but it helps me. because obviously, left to my own devices i do not naturally think about the lord and his greatness. each morning i spend some time dwelling on the lord's majesty and steadfast love. this helps put things in perspective and it eases any worries that are already rising up in the wee hours of the morning!

then at night, before i go to bed, i spend some time reflecting on how the lord has provided that day, big and small. this helps me see how he has provided for my every need that day. i choose to journal this so that i can look back and see evidence of the lord's faithfulness. i too often forget and blow through my day, without even thinking about the lord's steadfast love for me.

whoever is wise, let him attend to these things;
let them consider the steadfast love of the lord.
psalm 107:43

there are lots of psalms that call us to remember all that the Lord has done and his faithfulness. sometimes we get so caught up in our current reality that we forget about the one who controls the reality. hope you get to spend some time dwelling on the lord's steadfast love today!

i need your love...

so recently, as i have learned that my value is not set in people, i have been having to relearn to love people. some are easier than others, but i have really been struggling. you see, when i place my value and worth in what others think of me, one of the many side affects is that i cannot love them without some sort of selfish motive on my end. the lord has been revealing to me the difference between my selfish love (if we can call it love) and his never ending love. and i keep trying to love people out of my own strength and flesh, but i can't. so the other day as i was dwelling on his love, the stark contrast between mine and his was obvious. here is what the lord revealed to me. and it is written to him.

you are love. if i abide in you then you abide in me. and i need your love in me. your love does not put up defenses and analyze.

your love is patient. i have felt this as i have failed over and over again and i stumble constantly. you never give up on me.

your love is kind. not plotting or sarcastic like mine. it is your kindness that leads us to repentance.

true love is not jealous. well i think we know that my love fails there constantly - if i need someone to value me, i am of course jealous if they are valuing someone else over me.

your love does not brag and is not arrogant. unlike mine that likes for everyone to know just how much i have sacrificed or given up for them and then i think i am better because of it.

your love is not rude. my love is rude because it will do whatever necessary to be noticed, even at the expense of others.

your love does not seek its own. in contrast, mine, even under the mask of servanthood, is for my own name so that people will think well of me.

your love is not provoked or easily angered. and as we know, i am angry a lot and good at holding grudges internally toward those who have wronged me.

your love does not keep a record of wrongs. i, however, love to keep a record of wrongs so that i can look down on others and feel better about myself and my sin. at least i am not as bad as they are or at least i do not struggle like they do. i am also really good at justifying my sin and excusing it, but holding others' sin over their head.

your love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth. my love does two things. it either overlooks unrughteousness and may even rejoice in it so that i can be loved and accepted. or it rejoices that someone else is struggling with unrighteousness so that i feel better about my own. rejoicing in the truth is hard and it may take awhile. it sounds great, but all too often i am not willing to make the sacrifice or time and energy.

your love bears all things. my love gets tired of others and their needs really quickly (unless it is making me look good). my love does not like to inconvenienced.

your love believes all things. mine is skeptical and second guessing, and constantly playing out the worst possible scenarios in my head. all the while, underestimating the worth of each person and forgetting that your love is working in ways i cannot see.

your love hopes. my love has no hope apart from you and cannot offer any sustainable hope to anyone.

your love endures all things. my love wants the quick fix and i not willing to suffer long for anyone else.

your love never fails. mine has yet to succeed.

lord if they will know us by our love, i need your love now more than ever!!

1 john 4:7-21

1 corinthians 13:4-8

[confession part one] we don't do it and it is killing the church...

confession. something that we as a church stink at. how do i know? because our church is filled today with two kinds of people:

1. people who are just like the older brother in luke 15 and they think they never sin, or their sin is not nearly as bad as your sin.
2. people who are like the younger brother in luke 15 and finally come home, knowing they have sinned, but they do not know how to be free of the guilt and shame and so they eventually fall back into the sin.

it the first group of people confessed their sin (to god and to others) they would not sit in judgement of others. they would see that, just like paul they are the worst of sinners (not were, but are - present tense). they would realize that their sin nailed jesus to the cross too. this clan of people, who i can identify with, do no see themselves as in need of forgiveness, so they have not experienced the depths of christ's love. they have not sinned like the others and think they have earned favor with god and therefore, easily place themselves in the judgement seat to look down on those of you who cannot keep it together or who do not work as hard as they do.

the second group of people, want to come home and run back to the father, but still find themselves stuggling because they have kept their sin a secret from others. they confess to god all the time and they are forgiven (1 John 1:9) but since they have not confessed and made amends to others, they can't seem to get out of this cycle. they are scared to tell other people (esp the first group of people) and they are so frustrated that they eventally give in.

if the church was good at confession and taught people what to do when they sin, what a different picture we would paint of our savior's love. what if you were able to take all the energy you put into covering up your junk, into confession and allowing the lord to change and heal your life?

the next two blog posts will talk about two kinds of confession and the necessity of both.

life on life discipleship, even with a family...

one of the questions that came up this weekend at our summer conference was "how do moms disciple others when they have a family?" lots of discussion happened on this with one of the women on the panel and some moms.

first, it is important to realize that discipling your children is your first call to discipleship as a parent. you get the chance to invest in the lives and entrust faithful things to your kids for 18 years! do not discount that!! it is HUGE!!

but secondly, i think many of parents think that discipleship has to happen in some formal setting. thursday mornings at 6:00am at starbucks, for example. this model works for some, but for moms, let's be honest, it is not the best model. your life is crazy and revolves around your little ones and your time alone is already limited, how can you give up more time to invest in the lives of others? also, many moms think they do not have all this knowledge to offer. lies i tell you!

i want to write to moms and dads and encourage them to look at a different way of discipleship. this was how i was invested in at pine cove and my life was changed. if someone wants to be discipled by you, invite them into your home. your real home. not your perfectly, well put totgether, everyone on your best behavior home. but rather your chaotic, maybe not that clean and not everyone is in the best mood home. invite them in to this. this is hard for me, because to have someone over and not have everything together stresses me out. (but that is because to not have it all together exposes some weaknesses of mine). so let me encourage you to get past whatever reason would keep you from having people in your real home and do it.

why you ask? this is important for several reasons and i speak these from my experience. first, this paints a real life picture of a family. if you only have us over when things are perfect or calm, then we begin to think that this is what a good christian home looks like and our expectations of a marriage or parenting quickly become unrealistic. let us see your house as it is normally. let us see your kids not be on their best behavior. let us see you snap at your spouse about something. this shows us that you are real people with real struggles just like us. this also shows us how to deal with this, how to ask for forgiveness. how to love and discipline kids when we don't want to, etc. please let us see your weaknesses too. we need to see real people with weaknesses love jesus because the enemy is always trying to make us think we are disqualified because we do not have it together.

secondly, we would love to see how families live life. we only have one example to build off of, and this our home life. expand our horizons by letting us see how you lead your family and live life. just watching you serve and love your family is a great picture of christ and discipleship. help us learn how to be good spouses and parents.

thirdly, most of us would admit that we desire a family and getting to spend time with a family and your kids, yes even yours, can actually be a fill for us.

so what does this look like? for me, i went a family's house every thursday night. i ate dinner with them and helped their 4 kids study for spelling tests and read. then after they put the kids down, some times i would go home, but some times we would just talk life for a little bit. they would ask me questions and i would ask for advice. or we talk through some thing. there was not always an agenda, but it was intentional and i was gleaning more than they realized. because more than just spiritual wisdom and doctrine, i wanted to learn about life. i learned so much about marriage and raising kids from this family (i love you palella family). and they in turn got some help with their kids. the mom did not have to worry about helping the kids with their homework that night, she could breathe a little or do something else. some times they would also call and ask me to help run errands or do something. it cost me time for sure, but getting to live life alongside them and learn from them was well worth the cost!!

so my encouragement to you is to invite us single folks into your home. don't think we have something better to do. a happy hour with our friends is fun, but it is not helping me grow. we are hungry for some family life anyway. we would love to help you and we would love to learn from you too. please don't paint some unrealistic picture of marriage and family by having it together all the time. please invite us in so that we can see you in action. we know you are not perfect and we do not expect that, just as you don't from us. please help us some day have healthy marriages and families by allowing us to learn from your victories and mistakes. we want to learn about life, not just doctrine. so please, if you see some faithful men/women out there, invite them into your family. if we really want discipleship, we will make the sacrifice, i promise!

daily bread and faithfulness...

as many of you know the lord often uses music to speak to me and remind me of his goodness. and as you probably know from previous music posts, i LOVE jon foreman. today, as i was driving, my favorite song by him came on, your love is strong. i know all the words to this song backwards and forwards, but today, the Lord used a couple of familiar lines to speak a great truth to me. you should listen to this song or at least read through all the lyrics, but here are the lines he used today.

"you give me the food i need
to live through the day"

"give us today our daily bread"

i immediately thought about the israelites and manna. and i thought about how that was their daily bread for 40 years. then i thought, "how could they possibly not trust god or even forget about his faithfulness when they saw this bread on the ground every day? what a bunch of fools." the lord gave them exactly what they needed for 40 years. and if they tried to take matters into their own hands and store some extra up just in case, it spoiled.

then the lord quickly turned this to me and i felt him ask, "becca, why don't you trust me?" my response was, "i do. thank you for always providing food for me." to which i felt him say, "i am not talking about food, i am talking about life. why are so you anxious and worried and why do you try to control things just in case i don't come through in the way you want?" i was perplexed. "i am not sure," i thought. i mean, i know that in my head, but i sure don't live that way. i wake up and go through each day as if the lord has not provided everyday before, just like my foolish friends, the israelites.

as i was telling a dear friend this later on, she was quick to ask me how i pray. i was not sure what she meant at first. she then basically asked me how much of my time with the lord was spent adoring him and dwelling on his faithfulness. how much time did i spend thanking him for all He has done for me, big or small? i was completely leveled. i spend little or no time doing that. if something huge happens like last week with peter, then of course i take time to thank him and tell his story, but what about each day? sadly, i get too busy to do that, or i am too preoccupied to do that. then it clicked in my mind. no wonder i worry about things, no wonder i panic and feel anxious. no wonder i worry if the lord will be faithful. no wonder i don’t live as if he is enough. i know those things in my mind, but i clearly do not believe them, otherwise i would not worry. if I forget to spend time adoring him, meditating on him and thanking him, i don’t see all that he has done and i wonder if he can handle this. when i take time to see what jesus has done for me, i will be able to face my fears and trust him with them.

so for me, i have asked a few close buds to hold me accountable to taking time daily to adore him and to thank him. i need to trust him to care for me today and tomorrow as he has every other day of my life. how could i forget that? so many obvious things, like manna, that i have just taken for granted or some how made myself believe that accomplished. i am just as foolish as those israelites.

in christ alone...

in christ alone
in christ alone my hope is found;
he is my light, my strength, my song;
this cornerstone, this solid ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
what heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
my comforter, my all in all—
here in the love of christ i stand.

in christ alone, who took on flesh,
fullness of god in helpless babe!
this gift of love and righteousness,
scorned by the ones he came to save.
till on that cross as jesus died,
the wrath of god was satisfied;
for ev'ry sin on him was laid—
here in the death of christ i live.

there in the ground his body lay,
light of the world by darkness slain;
then bursting forth in glorious day,
up from the grave he rose again!
and as he stands in victory,
sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
for i am his and he is mine—
bought with the precious blood of christ.

no guilt in life, no fear in death—
this is the pow'r of christ in me;
from life's first cry to final breath,
jesus commands my destiny.
no pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
can ever pluck me from His hand;
till He returns or calls me home—
here in the pow'r of christ i'll stand.

this song has ministered to me more over the past few months than i can explain. i sing it all the time and its truth continues to affect me. each verse has been my favorite and ministered to me at some point. my only hope is found in him. my fears are stilled and my comforter is all i need. he took on flesh and suffered and died and because of that, sins curse has lost its grip on me!! WOO HOO!! and lately, i sing the fourth verse at the top of my lungs and beat my steering wheel if i am in the car, NO GUILT IN LIFE, NO FEAR IN DEATH, THIS IS THE POWER OF CHRIST IN ME!!

if you do not have this song to listen to, i HIGHLY recommend bethany dillon's version. that is the one i jam out to.

truth and agony...

just rethinkin' this quote tonight...

"if you love a person so selfishly that you cannot risk their anger, you won't ever tell them the truth they need to hear. if on the other hand, you tell a person the truth they need, but with harshness and not with the agony of a lover, they won't listen to it. but if you speak the truth with lots of love evident at the same time, there is a great chance that what you say will penetrate the heart and heal." - tim keller, galatians: living in line with the gospel.

i have played both sides of this coin. fear constantly plagues me so there is agony, but care for myself is greater than my care for others. at the same time, apathy and judgment also plague me but rather than the agony of a lover, i feel the agony of having to deal with others. ouch. lord, teach me to love!