Tuesday, June 9, 2009

daily bread and faithfulness...

as many of you know the lord often uses music to speak to me and remind me of his goodness. and as you probably know from previous music posts, i LOVE jon foreman. today, as i was driving, my favorite song by him came on, your love is strong. i know all the words to this song backwards and forwards, but today, the Lord used a couple of familiar lines to speak a great truth to me. you should listen to this song or at least read through all the lyrics, but here are the lines he used today.

"you give me the food i need
to live through the day"

"give us today our daily bread"

i immediately thought about the israelites and manna. and i thought about how that was their daily bread for 40 years. then i thought, "how could they possibly not trust god or even forget about his faithfulness when they saw this bread on the ground every day? what a bunch of fools." the lord gave them exactly what they needed for 40 years. and if they tried to take matters into their own hands and store some extra up just in case, it spoiled.

then the lord quickly turned this to me and i felt him ask, "becca, why don't you trust me?" my response was, "i do. thank you for always providing food for me." to which i felt him say, "i am not talking about food, i am talking about life. why are so you anxious and worried and why do you try to control things just in case i don't come through in the way you want?" i was perplexed. "i am not sure," i thought. i mean, i know that in my head, but i sure don't live that way. i wake up and go through each day as if the lord has not provided everyday before, just like my foolish friends, the israelites.

as i was telling a dear friend this later on, she was quick to ask me how i pray.
i was not sure what she meant at first. she then basically asked me how much of my time with the lord was spent adoring him and dwelling on his faithfulness. how much time did i spend thanking him for all He has done for me, big or small? i was completely leveled. i spend little or no time doing that. if something huge happens like last week with peter, then of course i take time to thank him and tell his story, but what about each day? sadly, i get too busy to do that, or i am too preoccupied to do that. then it clicked in my mind. no wonder i worry about things, no wonder i panic and feel anxious. no wonder i worry if the lord will be faithful. no wonder i don’t live as if he is enough. i know those things in my mind, but i clearly do not believe them, otherwise i would not worry. if I forget to spend time adoring him, meditating on him and thanking him, i don’t see all that he has done and i wonder if he can handle this. when i take time to see what jesus has done for me, i will be able to face my fears and trust him with them.

so for me, i have asked a few close buds to hold me accountable to taking time daily to adore him and to thank him. i need to trust him to care for me today and tomorrow as he has every other day of my life. how could i forget that? so many obvious things, like manna, that i have just taken for granted or some how made myself believe that accomplished. i am just as foolish as those israelites.

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