rejoice in trial...

rejoice in trial. ya, i think we all know that we are supposed to do that, but if we are honest, most of the time that is the last thing we feel like doing.  so we usually resort to two things. 

• we either fake it and make up some kind of begrudging joy, all the while stuffing how we feel and not admitting that life is really hard right now. of and we for sure don't tell anyone how deep this struggle is. after all, good christians, rejoice - so pull it together. so rather than truly rejoicing, we sink deeper and deeper into despair and isolation. 
• the other response is to give up on god. this suffering stuff stinks and there is no way i can rejoice, christianity must not be for me.

how can we truly rejoice? 1 peter 1:3-9 tells us. verse 6 is where peter tells us to rejoice, though now for a little while we are being grieved.  what are we to be rejoicing in? our trial? partly, because through our trial we are being made more like christ and we are glorifying him. but i will be honest, but that is not usually what causes the rejoicing in my sinful heart. 

let's look at what verses 3-5 tell us.  they say that we are born again to a living hope, that we have an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled and unfading, and that we are being guarded by god's power (THE most powerful).  i think peter is telling to rejoice in those things. when trials come, and they will again and again, peter is telling us to look to the gospel for comfort, not just try and be happy in our circumstances. he wants us to remember. remember that we were brought from death to life and that we have a god who is always with us and always in control. sometimes things are so dark that we cannot figure out what god is doing or we cannot hear him, but we can cling to what we know.  we know he was pierced for our transgressions, conquered the grave, and there is now no condemnation in christ.

so, when i am faced with the dark times and trials, please preach the gospel to me and remind that i have cause to rejoice.  rejoice with a joy that is inexpressible because my god will not withhold anything from me.

we have so much trouble rejoicing because rather than turning the gospel for comfort, we turn to friends, drinks, tv, isolation, relationships, etc. all things that will fall short of producing inexpressible joy in us.

christmas music already...

i broke the seal and started listening to christmas music this past sunday. i love it! i know that it is not even thanksgiving, but if there was good thanksgiving music i would play it. there just simply is not. so instead i will roll out my 22 hours of musical joy!  what do i like?  well check this blog post from last year where is listed my top 25 holiday favorites. enjoy it! after all, 'tis the season to be jolly!

psalm 136...

i know i have written on this passage before, but it gets me every time i read it. his steadfast love endures forever! his steadfast love endures forever!  in each verse, the author of this psalm proclaims something about god's majesty or reminds us of his provision in the past and then follows is up with "his steadfast love endures forever." this repetitive passage is quick to remind my doubting and fearful heart that his love never changes and it lasts forever.  just like he worked in mighty ways in the bible, he works like that today! he is the same yesterday, today and forever. he is unchanging. what i know about him in the past i can cling to in the present and for the future. his is still the god that speaks and things happen. the god who let one million people walk out of slavery after 400 years. the god who parted the red sea. the god who provided water from a rock and manna on the ground.  the god who stopped the sun. the god who shut the mouths of very hungry lions. that same god is still that powerful and faithful today!  i just need that reminder like everyday!

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good,

    for his steadfast love endures forever.

2Give thanks to the God of gods,

   for his steadfast love endures forever.

³Give thanks to the Lord of lords,

   for his steadfast love endures forever;

 ⁴to him who alone does great wonders,

   for his steadfast love endures forever;

⁵to him who by understanding made the heavens,

   for his steadfast love endures forever;

⁶to him who spread out the earth above the waters,

   for his steadfast love endures forever;

⁷to him who made the great lights,

   for his steadfast love endures forever;

⁸the sun to rule over the day,

   for his steadfast love endures forever;

⁹the moon and stars to rule over the night,

   for his steadfast love endures forever;

 ¹⁰to him who struck down the firstborn of Egypt,

   for his steadfast love endures forever;

¹¹and brought Israel out from among them,

   for his steadfast love endures forever;

¹²with a strong hand and an outstretched arm,

   for his steadfast love endures forever;

¹³to him who divided the Red Sea in two,

   for his steadfast love endures forever;

¹⁴ and made Israel pass through the midst of it,

   for his steadfast love endures forever;

¹⁵but overthrew Pharaoh and his host in the Red Sea,

   for his steadfast love endures forever;

¹⁶to him who led his people through the wilderness,

   for his steadfast love endures forever;

 ¹⁷to him who struck down great kings,

   for his steadfast love endures forever;

¹⁸and killed mighty kings,

   for his steadfast love endures forever;

¹⁹Sihon, king of the Amorites,

   for his steadfast love endures forever;

²⁰and Og, king of Bashan,

   for his steadfast love endures forever;

²¹and gave their land as a heritage,

   for his steadfast love endures forever;

²²a heritage to Israel his servant,

   for his steadfast love endures forever.

 ²³It is he who remembered us in our low estate,

   for his steadfast love endures forever;

²⁴and rescued us from our foes,

   for his steadfast love endures forever;

²⁵he who gives food to all flesh,

   for his steadfast love endures forever.

 ²⁶Give thanks to the God of heaven,

   for his steadfast love endures forever.

- psalm 136

[valley of vision] paradoxes...

paradoxes
from the valley of vision

o changeless god,

under the conviction of thy spirit i learn that
  the more i do, the worse i am,
the more i know, the less i know,
the more holiness i have the more sinful i am,
the more i love, the more there is to love.
  o wretched man that i am!

o lord,
  i have a wild heart,
  and cannot stand before thee;
i am like a bird before a man.
how little i love thy truth and ways!
i neglect prayer,
  by thinking i have prayed enough and earnestly,
  by knowing thou hast saved my soul.

of all hypocrites, grant that i may not be
  an evangelical hypocrite,
  who sins more safely because grace abounds,
  who tells his lusts that christ's blood cleanseth them,
  who reasons that god cannot cast him into hell,
    for he is saved,
  who love evangelical preaching, churches, christians, but lives unholily.

my mind is a bucket without a bottom,
  with no spiritual understanding,
  no desire for the lord's day,
  ever learning but never reaching the truth,
  always at the gospel-well but never holding water.

my conscience is without conviction or contrition,
  with nothing to repent of.
my will is without power of decision or resolution.
my heart is without affection, and full of leaks.
my memory has no retention,
  so i forget easily the lessons learned,
  and they truths seep away.
give me a broken heart that carries home
  the water of grace.

i know that you can do all things...

then job answered the LORD and said:

"i know that you can do all things,

and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.

'who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?'  

therefore i have uttered what i did not understand,

things too wonderful for me, which i did not know.

'hear, and I will speak; i will question you, and you make it known to me.'

i had heard of you by the hearing of the ear,

but now my eye sees you; 

therefore i despise myself,

and repent dust and ashes." 

- job 42:2-6

how many times have i questioned god and his timing or his method or his goodness? i know that god is good and that he reigns. well at least i know that in my head, but my heart still says "why god? why this? what are you doing? this is unfair. i never wanted this. i mean if you are good, wouldn't you do this?" for me, this questioning often reflects an attitude of my heart that really thinks that i know better, or worse, an attitude that would rather have my desires filled now and in this way, that have god and his plan.

the reason my heart has those attitudes (and more) is because i am prideful and forget how little i know and understand.  i forget that his ways are higher than mine. that he is always working. that he is not a reactive god, but a god who has a plan. how many times like job have i questioned or complained about something that i do not understand. things job reminds us that are too wonderful for us  and things which we do not know.  job 38-42 is a wonderful rebuke and reminder for me of god's control, power, plan and faithfulness. i recommend reading it (and rereading it and rereading it) if you find yourself questioning god, doubting his goodness, wondering if he is out there, etc.

how limited is my knowledge, how limited is my thinking. lord i repent! i know that you can do all things that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.  help my unbelief and forgive my arrogance.

fight or flight...

fight or flight. a psychology term used to describe how we react in scary situations. can you guess what i am? i am hands down a fighter. i had my first real fight in kindergarten. it was against a boy, one of my best friends, matthew.  we were at the bus stop, which happened to be in front of my house, waiting for our bus. matthew told me he was going to get on the bus first. i quickly replied that ladies got to go first and stepped in front of him.  he then proceeded to pull my hair, and i am SUPER tender-headed (my family should have owned stock in no-more-tangles because it hurt to even brush my hair, or so i said). so i promptly turned around and punched him to the ground.  no one pulls my hair. in fact, once i had him on the ground i continued to punch him to teach him a lesson. my mom came running out and broke-up the fight just in time for the bus to arrive. i clearly had one, but sadly neither one of us got to board the bus that day. i was in big trouble.  i had taught matthew to respect ladies, but it came at a cost!

i have not been in a physical fight since kindergarten, but i have wanted to be. the thought crosses my mind a lot. it does not usually involve an argument any more though.  (thank you jesus for sanctifying me) it now involves wanting to defend those that i love or myself. for example, a few weeks back there was a really rough storm that blew through at like 5:00am.  it made our screen door open and slam.  my roommate rachel was already up for school (god bless her soul) and she thought someone was trying to break in.  she freaked out and wanted to come wake me up because she was so scared.  my response when i heard the door was, "who the heck is breaking in? they will pay for waking me up!" and i began to look for a weapon before i realized it was just the storm. had it been a person coming in, i think i would have charged at them with a bat, knife or something.  no fear! no flight, just fight!

i also find myself wanting to defend my friends. sometimes it goes beyond defense to payback. a totally non-gospel centered response, but a frequent thought in my mind.  i get to hear people's stories a lot (a great bonus to my job) and when  hear about someone hurting someone else, be physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, my reaction is usually a thought along the lines of "if i ever see them i will punch them in the throat." as much as i hate conflict, this changes when you hurt someone i love. it is like my pwn incredible hulk expereince, minus the green and the muscles.  if you hurt someone i love and i am not walking in the spirit, watch out!

the funny thing is that i have not been in a physical fight since that day at the bus stop, but in my fight or flight mode, i do not seem to care. i have no idea how i would do, but in my visions of granduer, i always seem to think i will win!i have realized that this is of course a gift and a weakness. my strength is that i will not cower and i will protect, but my weakness is anger and acting on my anger rather or wanting revenge rather than trusting the lord.

just a little random fact for you. no wonder i am always going around hitting and pushing people. i have not been in a good fight in like 24 years. want to fight?

post script: this need to fight may be traced back to the karate kid movies i saw as a kid.  i wanted to be karate kid when i was a child. went as him one year for halloween even.

respectable sins: anger... [part one]

bridges addresses anger in two chapters and acknowledges that he is only scratching the surface.  i really liked these two chapters. very convicting for me. anger is for sure one of the sins that i continually fall into and then sweep it under the rug or just dismiss it. so let's dive in.

"anger is a universal problem, prevalent in every culture, experienced by every generation. no one is isolated from its presence or immune from its poison. it permeates each person and spoils our most intimate relationships. anger is a given part of our fallen human fabric."

- uprooting anger by robert jones

bridges defines anger as "a strong feeling of displeasure, and usually of antagonism. [and]... it's often accompanied by sinful emotions, words, and actions hurtful to those who are are the objects of our anger"(121).

he pauses here to define righteous anger so that we can differentiate between sinful anger and righteous anger.

"righteous anger arises from an accurate perception of true evil - that is, as a violation of god's moral law. it focuses on god and his will, not on me and my will. second, righteous anger is always self-controlled. it never causes one to lose his temper or retaliate in some vengeful way"(122).

nine times out of ten, my anger is somehow about me and how i have been wronged. it is not because my lord is being defamed. and my lack of self-control is proof that it is sinful.

bridges then comes at us with a dagger and says:

"no one causes us to be angry. someone else's word or actions may become the occasion of our anger, but the cause lies deep within us - usually our pride, or selfishness, or desire to control" (122).

boom! i often play the blame game with anger.  i am so angry because so and so did this... when in reality, when so and so did such and such it made me look bad, embarrassed me, let me down, or hurt me.  bridges reminds us that we chose how we respond to someone's sinful actions towards us.  [1 peter 2:18-20]

so when we find ourselves angry, we need to stop and acknowledge and confess the sin.  we need to ask ourselves, why are we angry. what is the deeper issue here?  take time to examine what really made us angry and what would a gospel centered response look like? we need to remember how scripture teaches us to treat one another. [1 corinthians 13:4-8, ephesians 4:32] if we have expressed our anger toward someone, we need to seek their forgiveness.  i do not do this well. i just hope that it will just blow over and that they will know that i am not normally like that, or that they will not do that again to make me mad. lastly, bridges points out that we need to trust god and his sovereignty over everything, even the affairs of our daily lives. when we remember that god is in control of all and that he is all powerful, it makes it a tad easier to see the current situation as a way to make us more like christ in our response.

bridges takes a brief section of this chapter to point out that anger towards god is a sin. i think we can all think of a time when we were angry with god about something. sometimes it is something big and life changing but most times it is something that we do not understand and it begins subtly as questioning. then the questioning turns into a manipulation of proverbs 3:4-5 "god i need/deserve this and if you were real you would provide it."

a specific example of this in my life is singleness. i have wrestled with this a lot. "god, why have you not brought me someone? why do you say that it is not good for man to be alone, yet you have no one for me? you have given me this desire, you owe it to me to fulfill it." the lord finally humbled me and showed me that what i was essentially saying was, "your plan stinks. i don't trust it. i want to be married now, in fact i should have been a long time ago." after this humiliation, i had to remind myself that the lord withholds no good thing from me and that he is in complete control and knows what is best and will provide for all my needs. see what this anger revealed? thankfully after much wrestling, the lord has brought me to a place where i trust him with my future mate or future singleness.  he changed my view from wanting to live this life married to wanting to live this life for the kingdom, married or not.

so when you find yourself angry at god, and you will if you are human, we need to acknowledge it as sin and repent.  why is it sin? god is big enough to handle it right?  it is a sin because "it is a moral judgment, and in the case of god, it accuses him of wrongdoing" (127).  bridges is quick to say that the solution to this problem is not just stuffing away the feelings because we know they are wrong, but rather to focus on the heart issue: not trusting in god and his sovereignty and power. 

but what about the sin against us? what about how we were wronged? don't we have a right to be angry about that? i will let scripture answer that for us. matthew 18:15-35 ought to be convicting enough. this is a VERY convicting passage for me. i always want to look at how someone has wronged me and i forget how christ has forgiven me. that my wrongs meant he had to die for me.  bridges poses a great thought.

"do i believe that this difficult situation or this unjust treatment is under the sovereign control of god and that in his infinite wisdom and goodness he is using these difficult circumstances to conform me more ot the likeness of christ" (124). hebrews 12:4-11 romans 8:28

that is enough to read and think on for one blog post. i will write another that covers bridges second chapter on anger: the weeds of anger and how to deal with our anger.