trick searched...

yesterday, i flew back from a great weekend in phoenix to celebrate a very dear friend's wedding. as i was going through airport security, i was tricked searched. here's how it went down...

me innocently going through airport security....

security lady after checking my ID with my ticket: "ma'am there is no line over on 1. head over there."

me: excited about no line because the other lines were long. so i walk over and put everything on the belt.

security man standing on other side of the metal detector: "ma'am what's that in your pocket?"

me: "an insulin pump. do I need to take it off to walk through?"

man: "oh no. c'mon through."

so i proceed. no alarm goes off. i am clear.

security man: "ma'am please step to the side for a full inspection since you have an insulin pump."

me: "what?! can I just run it back through the machine instead?"

security man: "no ma'am. it's too late you will be fully searched by one of our female assistants. please wait over here."

so i walk over and wait for 15 minutes in a glass cage being watched by everyone while i wait for my full inspection.

then security lady #2 walks up and i am released from the cage. i walk over to a mat with footprints on it. i am fully expecting to get wanded and then released. 

however, security lady #2 informs she that i will  receive the full pat down. awesome.

then, all of my carry ons are inspected and my hands and electronics are wiped with some swab put into a machine.

next, is the best part.  she asks me to to shake my insulin pump and toss it from hand to hand. what?!?! weird! 

as we are waiting for the swabs to come back clean, the lady says,"i bet this happens to you a lot. having a pump and the last name harris,"

me: "no ma'am it does not. this is the first time i have been more than wanded for my pump in like 10 years."

security lady:" oh that's not good. do you feel safer now that you know we are doing more thorough inspections?"

me: "i guess." even though what i wanted to say was "no i feel violated."

after i was cleared, i smiled grabbed my things and walked off. it was 35 minutes from the time I walked through line #1 with no line to the time i was finished with my full inspection.

new thing added to my to do list: find a husband that has a non-generic last name before coming back to phoenix or get cured of diabetes.

it has also been pointed out to me that i was wearing my "god loves turkey" shirt. perhaps i should not wear international shirts when flying through phoenix either.