Monday, January 23, 2012

a new normal...

sorry it has been almost 2 months since i last posted. the holiday season is always busy, but this year there was an extra special twist. i welcomed 2 foster boys to my home on december 16th, and my life radically changed. the easiest thing to do here to catch you all up, would be to post pictures, but alas, the rules of foster care do not allow me to. so you will just have to wait to see my handsome boys until you meet them. they are 11 and 14 - definitely outside of the age limit i had in mind, but the Lord has had different plans than mine from the beginning, so that shouldn't surprise me. i bet you are wondering, "so how's it going?" well the answer i typically give is "it going okay. we are adjusting." and that is the truth. there are days that are awful and there are days that are fun, but most of the time we are just okay. just enough grace and strength to make it through today. we are all adjusting. you see i am going through all of the new parent adjustments - going from being single and thinking about me to being single and caring for two kids. but i not only got 2 kids, i got 2 autonomous jr. high kids who have come from a really hard place. who came with opinions and experiences and just a different worldview. they have been completely uprooted and have had lots of new people involved in their lives telling them what to do. so it has been a delicate dance of establishing authority, figuring out how to connect, getting to know one another, and just adjusting. i was glad we had all of christmas break, but i was very thankful for a routine to start with school and basketball. i knew it would be hard to parent, so much repetitive teaching, so much to do, so little sleep, so much laundry, so little alone time, etc. enough of my friends are parents and i see enough parents in my job that those things were not as much of a shock. but i forgot to calculate how much i was going to have to unteach, reteach and teach. these boys have had someone else teaching them things for 11 and 14 years. i am working hard to figure out what they know, what they don't. correct what is wrong and catch them up on where they should be. and this applies to all areas of life - social, emotional, physical, and spiritual. the weight of this all hit me when i realized how little time i have with them, even if get to keep them. this weight coupled by 1 step forward of progress and 3 steps back some times was killing me. i have had to remind myself many times that jesus is the one who saves them, not me. and i think it is funny that i can trust jesus with saving the world, but not with saving my kids. the other hard adjustment is that we have so many people that have a say in how we do things in our house (case manager, case worker, CASA, their mom, therapist, psychiatrists, etc). i don't care for that very much and neither do the boys, but it is how the system work so it is what we have to do. i hope to post more, though i am sure my posting will be infrequent for awhile, to share what god is teaching me through all of this. sadly i will not be able to post pictures of the boys or our adventures, so you are just going to have to take my word for it.

11 comments:

ashley said...

Thanks for the update...been thinking about you! Will be praying for ALL the changes. I have three girls and still cannot even begin to imagine the junior high years...much less being thrown into it without the gradual steps that most parents get. I know without a doubt that the Lord is going to use you. From the first day I met you, you shine inwardly and outwardly for Christ and they will see that. His grace is sufficient and His mercies are new every morning. Will be praying!

jen said...

seriously-i have been praying for you often and will keep doing so. especially when i have a hard day around here with these 2 little ones i think about you and the others we know fostering and the hard days you are facing right now. praying lots for all 3 of you!

::lea:: said...

It's so inspiring to see you living out what we've been watching Him prepare you for. He's lead you up to this new normal and He will guide you through it. I have no doubt that you are a great, groovy mom! Praying for you and your boys.

julie said...

Becca, so glad to hear how it is going! I will be praying for you! We are very close to being able to have a foster child in our home, so I am learning from you. Thank you for paving the way! I will pray that He will give you the grace to be faithful moment by moment!
Julie Holt

Becca Harris said...

ashley - thank you for the encouragement and the prayers! miss your friend!

jen - thanks for the prayers. don't discount what you are doing too! i could not imagine having an infant. i think would rather skip to the talking phase. :)

lea - thanks lea! i hope and emily are doing well! you inspire me!

julie - that is exciting! i miss the holt family and hope you guys are doing well!

Outfcntrl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Outfcntrl said...

I am praying for you...more so then i have! What an amazing testament you are to those boys...and what a hard age! I know that Gods grace is just enough and will continue to be enough. I pray for all involved and that you will find peace and rest that this is exactly where God has called you and wants you. My soul is happy for you...

Nadia

cbizzle said...

Becca, I had no idea you were fostering to adopt. I appreciate your honesty about the joys, difficulties and "okay-ness" of the whole situation. I know you knew you weren't signing up for easy, but for good. And I'm thankful for your willingness to enter a situation like that.

Amanda came across an article she really enjoyed that I thought I'd pass on to you. I think it's called "Don't Carpe Diem." I'll pray for God to save your kids and give you the wisdom and endurance with joy you need to honor Jesus in this thing. I'm thankful for the love you're showing to these kids of yours. Press on, friend.

cbizzle said...

This is Chad Barnes, btw. I just realized that nothing I said gave a great clue about who I am.

Becca Harris said...

Thanks Chad! I will have to check out the article. I hope you and Amanda are doing well!

Laura said...

Wow!!! Praying for you now Becca. And for your boys as well. Asking God to bring the three of you to my mind often so I can intercede in your behalf. Humbled by your transparency and faith. Inspired by your love in action. Grateful for your blog so I can keep up with you. Love from the Watsons!