Wednesday, February 4, 2009

we didn't start the fire...

so a few sundays ago, i came home from church at my usual time (9:00pm ish) and i pulled into my apartment complex and what do my eyes see, but a dumpster ablaze and no one else around to see it. i promptly performed my civic duty and called 911 and they patched me through to the fire department. i explained the situation and they said they would be there in a few minutes. this was my first time to call the fire department, by the way. i hung up the phone and headed inside my apartment and told my roommates, "oh hey our dumpster is on fire." after i set my bags down, we all 3 headed back outside to see the great fire of '09 and maybe meet some cute firemen and that is when things really got interesting.

when we walked outside to wait for the fire department, we met our downstairs neighbors, debbie and shawn. debbie was super chatty and was really excited to talk to us. she told us that she has just moved in with her boyfriend (shawn) and was looking to make some new girlfriends. oh and did i mention that deb was clearly drunk and perhaps high too and had mascara all over eyes and forehead. we were open to the idea and thought maybe we could invite her up some time to play rock band or something. and then it continues... she continues to tell us that she is looking for girl friends, like the kind of friends that you can go to le bare with. just an fyi, le bare is like a men's strip joint. i think all 3 of us were thinking, if you only knew you were asking a children's minister, a bible teacher and an elementary school teacher... i deflected the question and responded with something like, oh well we should hang out sometime for sure.

then cassie noticed that debbie's hand was bleeding pretty badly. so she asked her what happened. she said that she had tried to get the fire extinguisher out to put out the fire (a thought that had also crossed my mind until i saw the size of the 8 ounce fire extinguisher compared to the size of the 80 foot blaze). she said on the fire extinguisher box it said, break glass before using, so she attempted to do just that, but with her bare hands. needless to say, she could not get to the extinguisher and her hand was now sliced. her judgement was clearly impaired by what she had been drinking and what not. to her credit, the mallet that you would normally use to break the glass was missing, but still... shewas also shaking the blood off and all over our stairs outside. all i could think about were the blood born pathogens that now were spread all over my stairs. we suggested that she get the firemen to look at it since they usually have first aid if not paramedic training. she said that she would, but she did not want to go alone, so i volunteered to go with her.

the fire department showed up in the next few minutes and debbie and i ventured off to see them. she was real adament about me hooking up with one of the firemen (to put it nicely and keep it G rated, i will use that phrase). as we approached the fire truck, debbie began to shout, "there was no mallet!!" she repeated this phrase over and over again the firemen were confused and trying to hold in laughter as they were not sure who was approaching their truck and the dumpster that was still ablaze. i interpreted debbie's sentances so that they were coherent and the firemen got her hand all cleaned up. but don't worry, debbie was determined that i was going to hook up with one of these firemen and kept elbowing me and telling me to go for it. mind you, this was not discreet, nor quiet. but it was hilarious. after they finished treating her hand and putting out the fire, they wanted to fill out an incident report for debbie. they ask her for her name and she tells them and then freaks out (and says a few choice words that i will not put here to keep this clean) because she is not technically supposed to be living in this apartment since she is not on the lease. the fireman assures her, that he is not going to turn this into the apartment management. she finally gives in and tells him all the info. we finish up with her again repeating to the firemen that there was no mallet and asks them to get her one and then loudly tells me that this is my last chance to hook up with one of these firemen.

i laughed and walked her back to her apartment, where she invited me in for some bloody mary's. i kindly refused because it was so late, i don't like bloody mary's and she was already really drunk. not sure ir debbie remembers that night or the course of events that occured, but i do hope to see her again. i have seen her boyfriend many times since, but he isn't interested in talking to me much. maybe next time we have margaritas and play wii, we can invite her up. its no le bare, but it is all we have to offer.

my life seems to produce interesting stories always. i am sad that my lifelong dream of using a fire extinguisher was not achieved. i missed a prime opportunity.

5 comments:

Meaghan said...

what about the firemen? did you ever hook up or what?

Ginger said...

Rock Band with Deb and the firemen yet? That sounds like a band. Deb and the Fireman.

danielle said...

this post made me laugh out loud. she does sound like a potential bff though. :)

susan said...

Hey, you left a WHOLE LOT out when you told me the Dumpster Fire story.

At the Beach with Dave and Alicia said...

OK, this was the best story for me to read in the middle of the night to get my mind off my aching back and braxton hicks! All the cool stuff always happens to you! I literally laughed out loud! So, tell me, did your new bff start the fire??? I'm just sayin'...