Tuesday, October 13, 2009

[adoption] how i came to this conclusion...

so how did i come to this decision to pursue adoption? great question. it has been a process over the last few years. a couple years ago, i started thinking about adoption. i thought it would be cool and i thought it would be good for health reasons. it would be easier on my diabetic body and i would not have to worry about passing my diabetes on to my kids. but i always thought, i will cross that bridge when i get married.

well, several of my friends and co-workers have been talking about adoption, and i feel like i hear about it constantly. it was on my mind quite a bit. this past summer, i was reading crazy love by francis chan. in one of the chapters, francis poses the question, "what part of your life really requires you to live by faith?" i was totally convicted. even being on church staff, i realized that aside from being healed from my junk, there was not really any part of my life that i was desperately depending on the Lord for. i realized that when the lord does big things through people in the bible, it is always when they totally had to rely on the lord. so i started praying, asking the lord to reveal what needed to change in my life.

as i finished up the book, there is a chapter at the end where francis chan writes some stories about people who the lord has used to impact the kingdom. there was one story about a girl that moved to tanzania right after college and ended up adopting a baby... as a single woman. as soon as i heard this story, i felt the lord say that is what i want you to do. and i was like, "sure, i will adopt when i am married." then i felt him say, "no, i am not calling you wait, i am calling to you start this process now." i told the lord, "um, but i am still single." and he said back, "i know. i will take care of things." then there were a series of questions that i shot back at the lord (typical of my independent and controlling personality). i quietly submitted to the lord, but i was still really unsure.

i got home from the gym (where the lord and i had this conversation) and i had an email from a friend, inviting me to go to an adoption conference in tennessee. i freaked out! what? why would she send me that? i decided that night to go and see what this was all about and see what the lord was doing. no harm in going right?

so over the next several weeks, i prayed. i told a few friends and asked them join me in praying for this. everyday, my mind was flooded with a million questions. how could i adopt and work? when would i work out? is it right to adopt a kid into a single home? what would i do on the weekends or for vacation? what would i do with my kid on a sunday? (i mean i work like 14 hour days) where would i live? can i afford to live by myself? i really don't want to move again. how would i still invest in the lives of my kids at church, families at church and my volunteers if i have a kid? i would not have my evenings free anymore. can i do this? there were many more questions and every time i felt my mind reeling, i heard the lord say, "trust me." and every time doubt crept in, i had a conversation with someone that pointed me towards adoption or encouraged me to do so.

after weeks of praying, i still felt as if i was supposed to adopt and i began to feel led to adopt an elementary school age kid. so where do i go now? what do i do now? i was excited to get to the adoption conference and see. i will write about that in the next post.


emily said...

You are amazing friend. GOD is amazing in you. Thanks for sharing this...I'm excited to read more posts!

Suzanne Renee said...

Joining you in prayer over this. Love you friend!

danielle said...

becca! i am so excited! craig and i will be praying for you!!!!

Nadia said...

Becca- I have had the same pull for a few years and I am so glad that you are going down this road. hwo cares if we are single? God is bigger then that and will not give us something if we can not do it! I am praying for you and praying for your child. He/she will have a FANTASTIC mom!!