Friday, October 14, 2011

foster license...

well i finally finished everything for my foster care license (about a month ago actually - i am just a bit behind on the blogging). i am all ready to go. so now i will just wait for the right referral.  i am licensed for 2 kids 0-18, but i prefer 5-11, or at least school age.  and my preference would also be for just one at a time, but so far only one of my referrals has been for that.  so we will see what god does.

lots of people have been asking how i am feeling.  i feel nervous - the unknown is always nerveracking, but then again i have a sovereign god who has everything already worked out, so i just need to trust him. i feel ready. i feel like the kid on the sideline who is begging to get put in the game.  i feel like i am in a state of limbo.  all of my commitments come with a "unless i have kid then" clause.  i am not sure how to plan ahead.  i try and appreciate every morning that i can sleep in or have alone time. i try to think through how i will handle various situations all the time.  "how will i handle that?" "how will we talk about that?" i am constantly making lists in my mind of things that i might need to get or do once a child comes into my home.  i think i am as prepared as i can be, but i won't know until this thing actually starts. so i just wait, pray and trust the lord.

i have already had 3 referrals.  boy has that been an emotional rollercoster! when they call, my heart races.  they give me the info - which is somehow always surprising. i hang up the phone. pray. mass text. pace. ask friends for help thinking through each scenario. worry if i made the right decision. pray again. then call back and give them an answer. the first one i had to say no to, which was heart-wrenching.  the second, when i called back and said yes, they already had a family and say yes.  and the third, well i have said yes and i am just waiting.  there is a slight hangup with the CPU. if this one goes through, i will have not one but two girls in my home.  oh and one is 8 and the other is 16.  ya you read that right.  i never thought i would have a teenager, but something about this just feels right. i am making some adjustments and changes to my house to get ready for a teenager - like preparing the guest room - not sure she will be excited about the bunk beds.  :) we will see what happens in the next few days, my life could change drastically or i could just be adding another two girls to prayer list.

on a fun note, each time my agency calls me a special ringtone comes up.  this way i will always know that the call is urgent - though i am not sure if this makes things better or worse.  but when they call, the final countdown plays. :)  thursday, i was eating lunch with 8 of my friends at work and this ringtone went off and literally everyone stared at the phone - frozen.  i think i pushed them out the way so i could answer it.  it was funny.


joanna said...

I know the waiting feeling well. Where every decision is weighed with, "If I have a placement."

And my agencies ring tone is the Glee version of "Baby, Baby" of course, my age range is much younger!

Praying for you as you start out on this journey!

Ginger said...

Standing with you in prayer & excitement!r