foster license...

well i finally finished everything for my foster care license (about a month ago actually - i am just a bit behind on the blogging). i am all ready to go. so now i will just wait for the right referral.  i am licensed for 2 kids 0-18, but i prefer 5-11, or at least school age.  and my preference would also be for just one at a time, but so far only one of my referrals has been for that.  so we will see what god does.

lots of people have been asking how i am feeling.  i feel nervous - the unknown is always nerveracking, but then again i have a sovereign god who has everything already worked out, so i just need to trust him. i feel ready. i feel like the kid on the sideline who is begging to get put in the game.  i feel like i am in a state of limbo.  all of my commitments come with a "unless i have kid then" clause.  i am not sure how to plan ahead.  i try and appreciate every morning that i can sleep in or have alone time. i try to think through how i will handle various situations all the time.  "how will i handle that?" "how will we talk about that?" i am constantly making lists in my mind of things that i might need to get or do once a child comes into my home.  i think i am as prepared as i can be, but i won't know until this thing actually starts. so i just wait, pray and trust the lord.

i have already had 3 referrals.  boy has that been an emotional rollercoster! when they call, my heart races.  they give me the info - which is somehow always surprising. i hang up the phone. pray. mass text. pace. ask friends for help thinking through each scenario. worry if i made the right decision. pray again. then call back and give them an answer. the first one i had to say no to, which was heart-wrenching.  the second, when i called back and said yes, they already had a family and say yes.  and the third, well i have said yes and i am just waiting.  there is a slight hangup with the CPU. if this one goes through, i will have not one but two girls in my home.  oh and one is 8 and the other is 16.  ya you read that right.  i never thought i would have a teenager, but something about this just feels right. i am making some adjustments and changes to my house to get ready for a teenager - like preparing the guest room - not sure she will be excited about the bunk beds.  :) we will see what happens in the next few days, my life could change drastically or i could just be adding another two girls to prayer list.

on a fun note, each time my agency calls me a special ringtone comes up.  this way i will always know that the call is urgent - though i am not sure if this makes things better or worse.  but when they call, the final countdown plays. :)  thursday, i was eating lunch with 8 of my friends at work and this ringtone went off and literally everyone stared at the phone - frozen.  i think i pushed them out the way so i could answer it.  it was funny.