Tuesday, November 10, 2009

fight or flight...

fight or flight. a psychology term used to describe how we react in scary situations. can you guess what i am? i am hands down a fighter. i had my first real fight in kindergarten. it was against a boy, one of my best friends, matthew.  we were at the bus stop, which happened to be in front of my house, waiting for our bus. matthew told me he was going to get on the bus first. i quickly replied that ladies got to go first and stepped in front of him.  he then proceeded to pull my hair, and i am SUPER tender-headed (my family should have owned stock in no-more-tangles because it hurt to even brush my hair, or so i said). so i promptly turned around and punched him to the ground.  no one pulls my hair. in fact, once i had him on the ground i continued to punch him to teach him a lesson. my mom came running out and broke-up the fight just in time for the bus to arrive. i clearly had one, but sadly neither one of us got to board the bus that day. i was in big trouble.  i had taught matthew to respect ladies, but it came at a cost!

i have not been in a physical fight since kindergarten, but i have wanted to be. the thought crosses my mind a lot. it does not usually involve an argument any more though.  (thank you jesus for sanctifying me) it now involves wanting to defend those that i love or myself. for example, a few weeks back there was a really rough storm that blew through at like 5:00am.  it made our screen door open and slam.  my roommate rachel was already up for school (god bless her soul) and she thought someone was trying to break in.  she freaked out and wanted to come wake me up because she was so scared.  my response when i heard the door was, "who the heck is breaking in? they will pay for waking me up!" and i began to look for a weapon before i realized it was just the storm. had it been a person coming in, i think i would have charged at them with a bat, knife or something.  no fear! no flight, just fight!

i also find myself wanting to defend my friends. sometimes it goes beyond defense to payback. a totally non-gospel centered response, but a frequent thought in my mind.  i get to hear people's stories a lot (a great bonus to my job) and when  hear about someone hurting someone else, be physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, my reaction is usually a thought along the lines of "if i ever see them i will punch them in the throat." as much as i hate conflict, this changes when you hurt someone i love. it is like my pwn incredible hulk expereince, minus the green and the muscles.  if you hurt someone i love and i am not walking in the spirit, watch out!

the funny thing is that i have not been in a physical fight since that day at the bus stop, but in my fight or flight mode, i do not seem to care. i have no idea how i would do, but in my visions of granduer, i always seem to think i will win!i have realized that this is of course a gift and a weakness. my strength is that i will not cower and i will protect, but my weakness is anger and acting on my anger rather or wanting revenge rather than trusting the lord.

just a little random fact for you. no wonder i am always going around hitting and pushing people. i have not been in a good fight in like 24 years. want to fight?

post script: this need to fight may be traced back to the karate kid movies i saw as a kid.  i wanted to be karate kid when i was a child. went as him one year for halloween even.

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