a common invisble barrier...

one of the greatest barriers to community is actually great people.  how can i possibly say this?  well i have experienced it.  i am blessed to work at a church with tons of incredible people who passionately love jesus, live on mission, serve the least of these, care for the orphan and the widow, encourage one another, exhort one another, etc.  all that you could want in community.  the problem is that there are so many of them.  you want to know all of them.  you find yourself doing something each night with different awesome people.  you may hang out over a meal, or perhaps you are digging into deep conversation, maybe even praying for each other.  but it is not consistent enough to really say that you are living life together. and you are not together enough to really live on mission.  the danger is that it can feel like community and you can even be encouraged, but it is not true biblical community.

having tons of great people around can be an invisible barrier to community for a couple of reasons.  you feel like you have it but you are actually completely missing it.  it is not inherently sinful to spend time with people so you do not even see it as a problem.  but when you are busy spending time with all of these great people, it is hard for them to know you well enough to know what is going on in your life, much less your heart. they don't really get to know you or get down into the junk of your life with you.  until you spend enough time together or experience some stressful situations or conflict, the real you does not often come out.  just the well put together you, that most people like.

secondly, if you are spending all of your time, running from place to place being with all these great people, you suddenly don't have the time and energy to live on mission.  spending time with all these people may not appear to be bad thing, but it may in fact be the very thing that is keeping you from living out the mission god has called you to.  it is deceptive because you are not doing anything bad and you may even experience some growth and encouragement from it.  it is an invisible barrier i think many people in our church encounter without even knowing it.

third, when we are busy chasing after the people we really like, we often miss out on the exact people the lord has for our community.  sometimes the ones who god will use to grow us the most, sharpen us the most and even encourage us the most, are not always the people we would chose, but they are the people the lord has place around us.  if we are always busy hanging out with new people, we will bail on the very ones we are called to be in community with.  we will inadvertently become that person who is always looking for something better and is never satisfied. 

and one more thing, community changes with the ebb and flow of life (i am currently wrestling with this). sometimes you do not have to move cities for the lord to change your community.  life goes in seasons and sometimes, your community goes with it.  you have to let go and move forward. not because you do not love those people, but because in order to follow christ, this is what must happen. it will become a hindrance if you still try to keep up with everyone and move forward.  you can't put your hand to the plow and look back. 

so take a look around you, who has the lord placed in your life for community now?  who do you need to be intentional with? who really knows you?  who are you not only doing bible study with, but also serving with?  who knows you well enough to speak into your life on a regular basis? if you have 50 million friends that you see a couple times a month, i am not so sure you have community.

freddie's...

freddie's is a hidden little place on south first.  it was one of the first cool local places i was taken to when i first moved here and i have loved it since.  freddie's food is decent, but i do not go there because i love the food. i go there because i love the atmosphere!!  it is similar to shady grove, but without the 2 hour wait! there is a big screen TV for big games or summer movies, a couple washer toss pits, a small outdoor stage, and a playground for the kiddos. oh and freddie's is also dog friendly, so bring your pup! it is a great place to eat and hang out!

galaxy cafe...

one of the restuarants i frequent often is galaxy cafe. this local place has a couple locations in austin, my favorite being on west lynn, but all are good.  its an order at the counter kind of restaurant and they bring you your food, but no server.  it is great for lunch or for dinner. it is not expensive and you can eat good healthy food if you want.  they have a variety of menu items, from sandwiches, burgers, soup salad, and then some dinner options (like chicken or salmon plates). the item i order the most is the fish wrap with a side of sweet potato fries.  oh and they have a chocolate cake that is delicious!  might need some milk to go with it!  if you have not eaten there, you must!

self-reliance...

has the lord ever shown you something over and over again.  it is as if he is trying to teach me something.  this happened to me while i was on vacation last week.  i am self-reliant.  i think i always have been.  my parents tell stories of me, even from childhood, refusing help and saying, "no, i do it myself!"  perhaps it was just toddler independence then, but i don't think i ever outgrew it, it has just changed forms and not for the positive, even though it may appear that way.

just like when i was a kid, i still want to prove myself.  though not exactly the same, there is still some satisfaction in accomplishing something on my own. proving to myself that i do need need anyone, making myself feel good and protecting myself from having to need someone and possibly having them fail me. and also, proving to everyone that i am worth their time,screaming "notice me and look at the cool things i can do and accomplish."

but i have been learning that this survival skill or protection method, that i have often disguised as things to be valued like strength and independence, has actually greatly hindered my walk with the lord.  since i am self-reliant, i am not dependent. or at least not dependent on the right thing - god.  so rather than praying and asking for help or just admitting my weakness before him or anyone, i pull myself up by my boot straps and make it happen.  and rather than letting my community know my struggles and letting them in and letting them help, i pretend all is okay and i just carry my load on my own.  disguising myself as a martyr, all the while dying inside. i have been realizing how much i have missed knowing him.  knowing how he works, how he provides and how he protects. after all, i have been doing it for so long. 

i need jesus to change my stubborn, "i do it myself" heart.  i long to trust him and live by faith, but i will never get there so long as i keep taking care of myself, rather than entrusting myself to the care of the only one who can protect me. my sinful heart still calls him my savior, but does not like to let him in to do the saving work.  i still want to do it.  it is like my sin nature still wants to prove, even to god, that i do not need anyone.

"teach me that christ cannot be the way if i am the end,
that he cannot be redeemer if i am my own savior,
that there can be no true union with him while the creature has my heart, 
that faith accepts him as redeemer and lord or not at all."
(an excerpt from "truth in jesus" from the valley of vision)

new roomies...

so may was a whirlwind of a month for me. in addition to being crazy busy at work, i moved!  this move was a big deal for a couple of reasons:


number one: 
i left these girls, whom i love!  cassie and i have lived together since i moved to austin and rachel was one of my first friends at austin stone. though i know we will still hang out, it will not be the same and i will miss them greatly!

number two:
i got to move in with some other good friends of mine and their two little boys!!  the engstroms have been some of my good friends since i moved here.  todd is on staff with me and olivia and i have not only read through systematic theology together (yes all of it) but we have caused a lot of fun and thrown many parties together. something that i am sure will happen even more often now that i am living in the guest room.  i do love todd and olivia, but one of the biggest highlights for me is getting to live with Gus the Bus (3years) and Deuce the Caboose (1 year)!  i have already become a better sword fighter and fighter of bad guys.  i also have perfected the art of handing deuce back to his mama before he vomits - thus keeping myself clean. how cute are these guys!

number three:
this move marked the end of a season and the beginning of another.  i moved in with the engstrom clan to save money so that i could pay off debt faster. once my debt is paid off, i plan to take the classes i need to in order to adopt and then move in a place of my own, do a home study and then adopt.  so essentially, this was the last time i would have "normal" roommates.  that is it.  exciting and weird all at the same time.  i have been talking about adoption for awhile now, and as i started taking these first concrete steps it has really hit me. i am more excited than ever and more nervous than ever.  we will see what happens over this next year.  CRAZY!  but until then, i will have a blast living with my new roomies (as Gus the Bus calls me).

quick visits from dear friends...

2 weeks ago (i am so behind in blogging - you should see all my drafts that i have started), two of my dear friends, we will go ahead call them sisters, that live across the ocean came into town for a little visit. i was blessed to be able to steal a couple of hours each with them! ashley (pictured above in a photo we took while she was here) and robin (pictured below in a picture from my trip last year to the DR because we forgot to take a picture last week) both work for makarios (an organization you know i love!). i am blessed to know both of these women.  paul's words in romans 1:8-12 sum up how i feel about them:

"First, I thank my God through Jesus Christ for all of you, because your faith is proclaimed in all the world. For God is my witness, whom I serve with my spirit in the gospel of his Son, that without ceasing I mention you  always in my prayers, asking that somehow by God's will I may now at last succeed in coming to you. For I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you - that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith, both yours and mine."

play the fixer or point to the rescuer...

anyone else hate seeing people hurting and struggling?  i hate it.  i just want to help.  to ease their pain, fix their problem, make them laugh, and get them out of their struggle.  sounds like the right thing to do.  and it can be, but not always.  now before you call me cruel and tell me i have no heart, let me explain.

"if you have a problem, yo i'll solve it."-vanilla ice

i am a fixer. i like to take care of my friends problems and help them.  the problem is, when i swoop in and take care of things, i often set myself up as the rescuer.  a role i was never meant to play. this week i was reading in 1 samuel 23, a verse stuck out to me that i think speaks a lot to how gospel centered friendships should look.  this chapter in samuel puts us in the middle of one of the most esteemed friendships of all time, jonathan and david. 

david is on the run from saul.  he is literally running for his life from this crazy king.  he is living in caves and as a vagabond.  saul is in hot pursuit of david again and then jonathan, his best friend comes out to him.  i can only imagine that david is tired, maybe wondering if this is all worth it or how much longer god is going to let saul do this or whatever.  but i am almost certain that he is weary!  now i have never had a friend who was running for their lives, but i have had friends who were definitely feeling weary and many of my friends have seen me weary (like all the time). i love the simplicity and power of what jonathan does:

"and jonathan, saul's son, rose and went to david at horesh, and strengthened his hand in god. and he said to him, “do not fear, for the hand of saul my father shall not find you. you shall be king over Israel, and i shall be next to you. saul my father also knows this.”  1 samuel 23:16-17

he strengthened and encouraged him by reminding him of god's promise and god's goodness.  he pointed him to his rescuer and the one in control. he did not falsely try to build david up or bash his father's crazy leadership. and he did this with love! it was not done coldly and tritely without empathy like most of us religious people do so often. he gave him what he needed most.  i love that the word the scripture uses here is that jonathan strengthened david's hand in god!  he helped him endure what the lord has planned. he didn't try and relieve it from him, but wanted him to trust in the one who could.

i think often in helping people, we forget this key element.  we get so caught up in wanting them to feel better, that we forget this.  and we end up either becoming their fixer, pointing them to something else to help them, or just soothing their surface symptoms.  this has been a challenge for me. when i am helping people, am i really helping them and strengthening them in god, or am i just putting myself in the place as the fixer.
the fixer is dangerous, because it feels so good and you feel so right about it, even so christian about but in the long run it only makes things worse. i have to trust that in pointing them to the rescuer is the best thing and that he will rescue them, he does not need me.  the fixer is usually a much faster result, but like a drug they will be back for their next fix.  the rescuer will heal their lives forever, and some times it feels like it takes that long and you have to be that patient, but they will be whole! he has purpose for everything, even when things hurt or are hard.

this or course does not mean not meeting physical needs or never helping, after all that is biblical! and it certainly does not mean coldly telling someone to pray and read your bible (this is one of the things that makes me angry quickly! trite christian advice!!) but when you are encouraging your friends and helping those around you, ask yourself, "who are my actions and words pointing them to?"