martyrs and thieves...

martyrs and thieves
by jennifer knapp
There's a place in the darkness that I used to cling to
It presses harsh hope against time
In the absence of martyrs there's a presence of thieves
Who only want to rob you blind
They steal away any sense of peace
Though I'm a king I'm a king on my knees
And I know they are wrong when they say I am strong
As the darkness covers me

Chorus-

So turn on the light and reveal all the glory
I am not afraid
To bare all my weakness knowing in meekness
I have a kingdom to gain
Where there is peace and love in the light, in the light
Oh I am not afraid
To let Your light shine bright in my life, in my life
Oh I... am, I...

There are ghosts from my past who've owned more of my soul
Than I thought I had given away
They linger in closets and under my bed
And in pictures less proudly displayed
A great fool in my life I have been
Have squandered till pallid and thin
Hung my head in shame and refused to take blame
For the darkness I know I've let win

(Chorus)

Can you hear me? (repeat 6x)

Well I've never been much for the baring of soul
In the presence of any man
I'd rather keep to myself all safe and secure
In the arms of a sinner I am
Could it be that my worth should depend
By the crimson stained grace on a hand
And like a lamp on a hill Lord I pray in Your will
To reveal all of You that I can

(Chorus)

There's a place in the darkness that I used to cling to
It presses harsh hope against time...

this song has been on my heart all month really. i find myself singing the chorus over and over again, longing to be healed! longing for the light! i am not afraid to bring my junk into the light anymore because i have tasted healing this summer and as humiliating as it has been, the results far outweigh the pain! so i ask the Lord to turn on the light and reveal all so that i can be healed and he can be glorified!

the third verse also gets to me, i would rather keep to myself all safe and secure, but i have done that my whole life, trying to keep this image together. if only i could take all the energy i wasted trying to cover up my sin and keep my image and use that to bring my sin into the light to be healed. i would be a very different person! no more clinging to the darkness!

this is an old song, but oh so good if you do not own it!

28 the year to fascinate...

so my birthday was last friday (aug 21st) and i turned the big 2-8. many of you know that since i turned 25, i have come up with a fun tag line for each year. 25 and alive. (a friend and i had some ailments and we were sure we were going to expire that year, but we survived.) 26 and in the mix. 27 bread unlevened. but that got old, so i changed it to 27 the year to act 11. and this year it is 28 the year to fascinate. not that i have any plans as to how i am going to that, yet.

here are some pictures from my birthday celebrations. yes there were multiple and it was awesome.

my parents came in on friday afternoon and we hung out at my house. it was th first time they had seen it.then my roomies, parents and i went to eat at mandola's for some italian food. then rach, cass and i went to see wicked! it was awesome! probably the best musical i have ever seen. i laughed outloud so many times!!saturday i took my parents to kerbey lane (an austin favorite for breakfast) and then we headed out hwy 71 to spicewood for a canopy tour. that is right, a canopy tour where you zip from tree to tree right here in the continental US. it was really fun! you should check it out if you are in the area, cypress valley canopy tours.

then we, headed into marble falls. we found this bar b que place on 71 so we stopped and gave it a try. not too shabby.once we got to marble falls, we of course stopped at the bluebonet cafe for some incredible pie!! wish i had taken pictures for you. the meriangue is like 6 inches or pure goodness!


then we drove around marble falls and kingsland, remembering old times at the lake. park road 4 is still a favorite of mine. too bad it was raining.

and this weekend, my friends threw a party for me. we all went to eat at el arroyo, another austiny place and then headed to the shuck shack for some horsehoes, bocci ball and washers. it was good times!




yes, olivia painted micah's chest for me! i love that family!


i feel very blessed! it was a great birthday, fascinating, if you will... and so it begins.

one more year....

as i was reading this morning, i read a prayer in the valley of vision called "lord's day eve." i have read it many times before, especially on saturday nights, but for some reason the lord had me flip to it today. as i read it, i replaced the week references with year references and suddenly the prayer meant a lot to me on this birthday. here it is (it helps me to read it outloud - i can understand it better):

lord's day eve
god of the passing hour,
another [year] has gone and i have been preserved
in my going out,
in my coming in.
thine has been the vigilance that has turned threatened evils aside;
thine the supplies that have nourished me;
thine the relations and friends that have delighted me;
thine the book, which, amidst all my enjoyments, has told me that this is not my rest,
that in all my successes one thing alone is needful, to love my saviour.
nothing can equal the number of thy mercies by my imperfections and sins.
these, o god, i will neither conceal nor palliate, but confess with a broken heart.
in what condition would secret reviews of my life leave me
were it not for the assurance that with thee there is plenteous redemption, that thou are a forgiving god, that thou mayest be feared!
while i hope for pardon through the blood of the cross,
i pray to be clothed with humility,
to be quickened in thy way,
to be more devoted to thee,
to keep the end of my life in view,
to be cured of the folly of delay and indecision,
to know how frail i am,
to number my days and apply my heart unto wisdom.

what a great prayer and reminder for me. i have been preserved one more year. i have been given one more year to make his name known, to bring him glory and fame. it is great to celebrate the faithfulness of the lord of this past year and to look to how i can be a banner for his name this next year. i hope that amidst all of the birthday fun celebration, i can remember that i am celebrating his goodness and getting charged up for another year of it!

life together....

i just finished this book, and i am going to add it to the favorites category! i LOVED it! it is very readable, convicting and practical!! first bonhoeffer describes what christian community should look like and blows up all our expectations and social club ideas that we have made it into. and he talks about the purpose of it, which is to speak the word to God to one another, not find people like us that we feel comfortable around. then he talks about the things you should do together and the importance of still doing some things alone. his ministry chapter was super convicting, as he talked about how to love on and minister to one another. then he ends with a chapter on confession, a lost art in fellowship today, which could be why so many of us still feel so alone. it is SO worth your time. it is not long at all, but it is packed with info that will challenge you, at least it did me. i will definitely be rereading this one!

fx...week four...jesus commands us to build his kingdom

this past sunday was our last week of FX (sadly), at least for this series. we talked about how jesus commands us to build his kingdom in the great commission. here are some photo highlights. and yes hans and franz made an appearance!

fx...week three...jesus is the king we need!

this past week in fx we talked about how jesus is the king we need! we learned that no matter how great a king was (like david) he was still going to fail. so no man could help us with our biggest problem, sin. that is until jesus came along. mrs. judy did a great job teaching us the gospel in a timeline! here are some pictures! thanks for praying.

keep yourselves from idols...

and we know that the son of god has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true; and we are in him who is true, in his son jesus christ. he is the true god and eternal life. little children, keep yourselves from idols.
1 john 5:20-21

i hung this verse in my bathroom to read over each morning and here is how the lord uses it to speak to me. first off, god has given me understanding so that i can know him. know him. god makes himself knowable to me. he reveals himself to me and that is something i take for granted. secondly, we are in him who is true. because of christ, we are able to know the true god and have eternal life. we are able to know the truth and what is true and good. i do not have to try and figure it out for myself. i do not have to live in darkness.

and i love that right after that great reminder, john exhorts his readers to keep themselves from idols. to keep themselves from things that are not true, that do not save, that do not bring eternal life. focus on the true god. be careful to not get caught up in idols. great reminder for me.

mountains goats...

so one of the passages i have been reading about the lord's power and majesty (in addition to psalms) is the end of the book of job. the part where the lord finally speaks up to job and reminds job of his might and power and puts job in his place. i love this because god often communicates to me in this way. in chapter 39 of job, the lords talk about mountain goats, donkeys, oxen, ostriches, horses and hawks. he asks job if he was there when the mountain goats gave birth. if he even knew when they were going to give birth? his point, i believe, is that these things go on all the time and they do not need the help of man (myself or anyone else) to happen. it goes on all the time without me knowing it or having to be in control of it. it happens all without me.

this opened my eyes to how much goes on all the time that is out of my control. i am a lot smaller than i think i am. the world does not run because i did things right or corrected things. the world runs because the creator runs it. this does not just include the earth as a whole, but also the world i encounter each day. the things i am entrusted to lead or do. god is in control of it all, i am just his vessel. i have no real control. my job is not to worry, my job is to know my creator and trust him.

so when i catch myself worrying, i feel like immediately the lord brings 2 words to mind, "mountain goats." and that is all i need to remember that i am not in control and do not need to be.

battling unbelief...

i recently bought this audiobook on itunes and listened to it on a drive to dallas. it was just what i needed to hear. this book is a shorter version of piper's book future grace. these are the application chapters from that book. i would love to read it, but if i am honest, the size of it intimidates me and i put it on my list to read when i am retired. but in the mean time, i can highly recommend this book, battling unbelief.

each chapter addresses an issue like depression, anxiety, despondency, anger, fear, etc. and then points out the unbelief that leads to it. if we believe in christ, how can i be living like this? how can i live in anxiety all the time? well that is because there is a disconnect between what i know and what i believe. this book addresses just that. he talks in detail about each issue and then addresses the unbelief and gives scriptures to help us battle it. i highly recommend it!!