Monday, January 4, 2010

lack of trust = frustration [again] part 2...

this blog post is a prayer straight out of my journal.  after my encounter with the lord described in the previous blog, i re-read "reproofs" and "humiliation" from the valley of vision and this was my prayer. 

forgive me for just so flippantly coming before you. for being almost apathetic in my time with you, just wanting to get it done. lord forgive me for taking for granted the fact that you came to be with us and that i can approach the throne of grace with confidence. lord thank you for your grace, though i take it for granted all the time. thank you for speaking to me and revealing yourself to me. thank you for your word that is alive and active! thank you for delivering me from my sin and myself. forgive me for caring more about my name than yours, for trying to do it all on my own, for doing everything in my power to not look weak - all for my name. forgetting that i should be boasting in my weaknesses. i don't really like to do that. but in my weakness, you are strong! hiding or covering up my weakness does not give you glory - nor does it help me in any way - but just gives me a false sense of security.  when i conceal my weakness - it gives me and everyone else an inaccurate perception of who i am. people don't see and your character and grace and love and mercy. the see some religious crap that will only discourage them or turn them away. also, others cannot love on me like i need to be loved on or point me to christ because i am deceiving them. lord break me of this. help me boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses!  lord i need you!"

just a further glimpse into my heart.

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