help...

I lift up my eyes to the hills.
        From where does my help come?
     My help comes from the LORD,
        who made heaven and earth.

    He will not let your foot be moved;
        he who keeps you will not slumber.
     Behold, he who keeps Israel
        will neither slumber nor sleep.

    The LORD is your keeper;
        the LORD is your shade on your right hand.
     The sun shall not strike you by day,
        nor the moon by night.

    The LORD will keep you from all evil;
        he will keep your life.
     The LORD will keep
        your going out and your coming in
        from this time forth and forevermore.
 (Psalm 121)

i read this psalm today and as i did, i was both comforted and convicted.  i was comforted to be reminded that the lord is my help!!  this powerful god is in control and always on watch and working out his plan, never sleeping. never caught of guard. never vulnerable to attack. he is always in charge and knows what will happen, though i may be clueless.  the one who created the heavens and the earth is the one who helps me.

i was also convicted because i was reminded that the lord is my help.  i was convicted because all to often i think other things are my help, or that i just am not that in need of help.  the lord is always my help, whether i am in crisis or just answering some emails.  he is always working out his plan for me, whether i acknowledge and trust it or not.  

i am slowly learning that i am always poor and needy. i am helpless and my plan and resources only get me so far.  i know all of this in my head of course, but i am slow to actually let go of control and believe it. i like trusting in me, after all i am the most reliable person i know. but faith in jesus calls for me to let go of being independent, in control, always planning and back up planning.  it calls for me to need help and to trust my helper.  you know, the one that is all powerful and never sleeps.  i am praying that i will believe in my heart that i am helpless, it just sounds so nice to not worry or be in control, but to trust him.